Dear Sir/Madam...

[Archie_tect]

All sensible points P.... if MV does have to respond to such an advert or list of required actions then I agree, he'd have to be irresponsible not to follow them to the letter.
Though it sounds like he is contacting them on spec with no preset pro-forma or guidance, so I still think it makes sound sense to make some effort to at least try to find out who it is he needs to contact. If they are annoyed by a simple polite phone call then they don't deserve him.

 

[Fnaar]

I took one out recently for something I'd invented

POst it on here, and I'm sure the CC community will help you hone your invention to perfection with helpful suggestions for improvement, adaptation or unusual ways it could be otherwise used.

 

[Markymark]

I was looking for engineering jobs when I graduated. I got some addreses and by mistake, instead of getting the HR address for British Gas I mistakenly looked up the one for British Glass. As I'd alread typed out the letter with the address in Word but wasn't intertsted, I changed 'Yours sincerely' to 'Love from' to amuse myself

I got the nicest reply back from them but no interview as my engineering skills were unrelated!!

 

[Puddles]

All sensible points P.... if MV does have to respond to such an advert or list of required actions then I agree, he'd have to be irresponsible not to follow them to the letter.
Though it sounds like he is contacting them on spec with no preset pro-forma or guidance, so I still think it makes sound sense to make some effort to at least try to find out who it is he needs to contact. If they are annoyed by a simple polite phone call then they don't deserve him.

Oh missed the on spec bit, distracted by soup, depending on the field of work I would hazard don't send at all

 

[Archie_tect]

No kisses back Mark? You should try CofG's Estate Agents...

 

[Archie_tect]

Oh missed the on spec bit, distracted by soup, depending on the field of work I would hazard don't send at all

Soup..... [what sort?]

 

[Puddles]

Soup..... [what sort?]

Oxtail and I didn't have to share

 

[threebikesmcginty]

POst it on here, and I'm sure the CC community will help you hone your invention to perfection with helpful suggestions for improvement, adaptation or unusual ways it could be otherwise used.

No chance, I'd rather stick it up my own...oh, that was one of the suggestions!

 

[Archie_tect]

Did it work 3B?

 

[RWright]

I like Dear Madam/Sir better...there are more women in the world than men (well maybe not but it's close), M is before S in the alphabet. Dear Sir/Madame seems very sexist to me.

 

[ThinAir]

Just try this...

 

[asterix]

Start

'Dear Comrade' (gender-free)

End it,

'Yours until the Revolution'. (show them that you have ambition)

 

[MontyVeda]

Dear Fascist Bully Boy... did cross my mind. But I'll save that for a bank loan application.

 

[ThinAir]

How about "Dear potential, Future Employer".... - shows you are a real "go-getter"

Start

'Dear Comrade' (gender-free)

End it,

'Yours until the Revolution'. (show them that you have ambition)

I like this, just an alternative to the ending... how about "When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless".

 

[ThinAir]

While we are on 'job related' who humour... try this on for size.. Allegedly (I cannot stress this word enough, before there are cries of f"fake" and "bull-crap", this is a genuine application made to the Tunbridge Wells branch of B&Q. However, there are several different permutations of this floating around the net.

Enjoy.


Name:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy b`stard)

Sex:
Not lately, but I`m always looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

Desired position:
Companys Chief Exec or Managing Director. But seriously whatever`s available, if I was in a position to be picky I wouldn`t be applying in the first place - would I ?

Desired salary:
£150,000 pa plus share options and a Tony Blair reduncancy package. If that`s not possible make me an offer and we can haggle.

Education:
Yes

Last position held:
Target for middle management hostility

Previous salary:
A lot less than I`m worth

Most noteable acheivement:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes

Reason for leaving:
It was a crap job

Hours available to work:
Any

Preffered hours:
13:30-15:30 Monday, Tuesday and Thursday

Do you have any special skills?
Yes, but they`re better suited to a more intimate environment

May we contact your current employer?
If I had one would I be here?

Do you have any physical conditions that would prevent you lifting up to 50lbs?
Of what ?

Do you have a car ?
I think the question here should be "do I have a car that runs?"

Have you received any special awards or recognition?
I may already be a winner of the Readers Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me

Do you smoke ?
On the job - No, on my breaks - Yes

What would you like to be doing in 5 years?
Living in the Bahamas with a 6ft blonde supermodel who thinks I`m the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually I`d like to be doing that now

Nearest relative?
7 miles

Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?
Oh yes, absolutely



Old people rock !!

Apparently he got the job because he had the employers in stitches at the interview.