you can yet rubber mats to go on the drums; I have them on mine, and there are quieter sticks available too,
Both of these compromise the feel, but when ypu are as crap as I am it doesnt matter and it keeps everone happy.
the other issue is the kick drum and pedal does tend to vibrate through the floor. My kit is at the back of the house above the kitchen, so it doesnt have a great deal of impact, but if it was above a main living area she might get yhe hump.
its the swearing when i get it wrong which is the most obvious noise apparently