Friday Fun 20-3-08

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Fab Foodie, 20 Mar 2008.

  1. Fab Foodie

    Fab Foodie hanging-on in quiet desperation ...

    > These are genuine clips from council complaint letters
    > * My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus
    > growing in it.
    > * He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't
    > take it anymore.
    > * It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
    > * I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my
    > knob off.
    > * I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
    > his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    > * And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my
    > fence.
    > * I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I
    > think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
    > * My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    > * I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    > * Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and
    > fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    > * I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
    > * 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain
    > filthy.
    > * I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    > * The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared
    > * Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and
    > not fit to drink.
    > * Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
    > * I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am
    > his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
    > * The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is
    > unsightly and dangerous.
    > * Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so
    > please send someone round to do something about it.
    > * I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
    > something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    > * Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
    > wife.
    > * I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have
    > no satisfaction
  2. betty swollocks

    betty swollocks large member

    Fnaar will be along any my guess.

  3. just thinking that myself !!!!:tongue:
  4. alecstilleyedye

    alecstilleyedye nothing in moderation Moderator

    :tongue: rofl
    funniest along those lines i've ever seen was
    >* the outside toilet seat is broken and i can't get bbc2
  5. Fnaar

    Fnaar Smutmaster General

    Coo'ee! :ohmy:
    Very funny clips....:rolleyes:
  6. domtyler

    domtyler Über Member

  7. simonali

    simonali Guru

    Is it not Thursday today, or is there a joke here I'm not in on?
  8. stevenb

    stevenb New Member

    South Beds.
    Tis Thursday....but certainly feels like a Friday!!!!
  9. simonali

    simonali Guru

    Ah yes, a bank holiday weekend so Friday is early!
  10. A friend of mine works for the CSA. Some of the letters he sees are amusing. One of them described him and his colleagues as a 'wast of spass' (waste of space) while another told how she was going 'asterical' with the worry.
    One another point, his favourite name from his casebook is Eileen Forwood, closely followed by Piers Mycock. He swears the latter is geniune.:biggrin:
  11. punkypossum

    punkypossum Donut Devil

    We do get this sort of stuff all the time at work (it's a Housing Association). Vibrating knobs are also very common...
  12. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Penarth, Wales
    and on that note I'd better take a shower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    When I worked at Iceland, we sold chilled meat, and one line was chicken breasts, with the skin on. Four of them, so the shelf edge label read "Four skin on breasts". Sounds like a good time being had by someone...

    That and the time they misprinted the tickets for the Anchor aerosol cream, so that it said "arseol cream". For application to saddle sores I assume...
  14. girofan

    girofan New Member

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