Fridays joke, here goes

walker

New Member
Location
Bromley, Kent
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for
each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
 

Sh4rkyBloke

Jaffa Cake monster
Location
Manchester, UK
:becool::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin: Most amusing. Cheers!
 

TheDoctor

Resistance is futile!
Moderator
Location
Stevenage
In a similar vein, here's a list of things your partner will never say :-

"I'm a bit worried - you don't seem to be drinking enough beer"
"Get the carbon one with Dura-Ace / Record, because you're worth it!"
" I don't feel like a cuddle tonight - can I just give you a BJ?"
"No, that's fine, I like sleeping in the soggy bit"

OTOH, she has said recently :-

"Yes, I'd like to go to Sault for a long weekend. Just don't expect me to take my bike" :becool::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
 

Arch

Married to Night Train
Location
Salford, UK
I'm still waiting for something funny.

I may not have had the best luck in love, but if the sort of antagonism between the sexes displayed in this sort of joke is the norm, I think I'm glad...

Jeez. Don't most people bother to treat each other as adult human beings then? Give and take and all that?

Sorry, I just find this sort of lazy sexual stereotype really dull, and unfair not only to most women, but to most men I know too...

Expect I'll get shouted down for being a grump now...
 

yenrod

Guest
I'd say thats looking at things from a rather serious angle !

Arch said:
I'm still waiting for something funny.

I may not have had the best luck in love, but if the sort of antagonism between the sexes displayed in this sort of joke is the norm, I think I'm glad...

Jeez. Don't most people bother to treat each other as adult human beings then? Give and take and all that?

Sorry, I just find this sort of lazy sexual stereotype really dull, and unfair not only to most women, but to most men I know too...

Expect I'll get shouted down for being a grump now...
 
OP
walker

walker

New Member
Location
Bromley, Kent
its only a joke arch!!
 

Arch

Married to Night Train
Location
Salford, UK
Yeah, I know my place, I'll just go home, do some dusting and read Hello while I decide which new outfit to buy...

Sorry. It's just that most women I know are nothing like the stereotype portrayed, and most men I know aren't either. So it all seems a bit pointless...
 

Arch

Married to Night Train
Location
Salford, UK
NickM said:
If you like dusting, we've got some that needs doing ;)

We're both too busy doing interesting things to have time for nonsense like that!
I don't like dusting, but it seems to be what women are supposed to do... Actually, I really SHOULD have wizz round with the hoover, it's been months...
 
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