Fridays joke, here goes

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by walker, 14 Dec 2007.

  1. walker

    walker New Member

    Bromley, Kent
    I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
    so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
    I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
    their heart.

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't
    feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
    for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me
    for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
    with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
    big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
    on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
    one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
    shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for
    each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
    diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
    thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
    was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
    doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
    was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
    Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
    all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
    feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
    You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
    me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
    added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
    I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
    bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
  2. Sh4rkyBloke

    Sh4rkyBloke Jaffa Cake monster

    Manchester, UK
    :becool::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin: Most amusing. Cheers!
  3. TheDoctor

    TheDoctor Resistance is futile! Moderator

    In a similar vein, here's a list of things your partner will never say :-

    "I'm a bit worried - you don't seem to be drinking enough beer"
    "Get the carbon one with Dura-Ace / Record, because you're worth it!"
    " I don't feel like a cuddle tonight - can I just give you a BJ?"
    "No, that's fine, I like sleeping in the soggy bit"

    OTOH, she has said recently :-

    "Yes, I'd like to go to Sault for a long weekend. Just don't expect me to take my bike" :becool::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
  4. yenrod

    yenrod Guest

    WAlker: Brilliant !

    Due'ly sent on'...
  5. NickM

    NickM Veteran

    Oh yeah? Look what I got for my last birthday :becool: :biggrin: :biggrin:
  6. TheDoctor

    TheDoctor Resistance is futile! Moderator

  7. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    I'm still waiting for something funny.

    I may not have had the best luck in love, but if the sort of antagonism between the sexes displayed in this sort of joke is the norm, I think I'm glad...

    Jeez. Don't most people bother to treat each other as adult human beings then? Give and take and all that?

    Sorry, I just find this sort of lazy sexual stereotype really dull, and unfair not only to most women, but to most men I know too...

    Expect I'll get shouted down for being a grump now...
  8. yenrod

    yenrod Guest

    I'd say thats looking at things from a rather serious angle !

  9. OP

    walker New Member

    Bromley, Kent
    its only a joke arch!!
  10. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    Yeah, I know my place, I'll just go home, do some dusting and read Hello while I decide which new outfit to buy...

    Sorry. It's just that most women I know are nothing like the stereotype portrayed, and most men I know aren't either. So it all seems a bit pointless...
  11. NickM

    NickM Veteran

    If you like dusting, we've got some that needs doing ;)

    We're both too busy doing interesting things to have time for nonsense like that!
  12. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Salford, UK
    I don't like dusting, but it seems to be what women are supposed to do... Actually, I really SHOULD have wizz round with the hoover, it's been months...
  13. Fnaar

    Fnaar Smutmaster General

  14. NickM

    NickM Veteran

    I know, I know...
  15. NickM

    NickM Veteran

    In the meantime, it makes a nice ornament and conversation piece.

    Although it does tend to collect dust...
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