Friday's quickies.

[PaulB]

Keep 'em short and keep 'em funny.

Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It’s called Not Poodle

 

[Cubist]

Why do travellers get so upset when they get moved on?

 

[Cubist]

I was watching the start of the London Marathon. One bloke was dressed as a chicken, and another bloke as an egg. "This is going to be interesting" I thought.

 

[striker]

I was in a Chinese restaurant when a duck came up to me with a rose and
said: 'Your eyes sparkle like the stars'. So I said to the waiter: 'Excuse me, I ordered aromatic duck!!!!!!

 

[Rhys_Po]

I met my ex on MySpace - she was a fox ..... As in ginger and occasionally ate out of bins.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Once I bought some batteries, but they weren't included...

 

[striker]

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

 

[Dayvo]

I met my wife in Melbourne.

I said, 'What are you doing here?'

 

[PaulB]

I was out last night celebrating my wife's birthday and didn't get in 'till 3.30 am. She was fecking livid.

 

[Speicher]

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Welshman walked into a pub. The Landlord said, is this some kind of joke?

 

[Globalti]

A white horse walks in to a bar and asks for a whisky.

"Hey!" says the barman, "we have a whisky here that's named after you!"

The horse replies, puzzled: "What... Eric?"

 

[Speicher]

Do you talk to your wife when making love?
"Only if the telephone is handy".

 

[PaulB]

I had a wet dream last night about Jo Brand. I dreamt she got run over by a bus and I pissed myself.

 

[Dayvo]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, and not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

 

[Dayvo]

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. 'Yes' is the answer.