Funerals... and the scrapping of.

[shouldbeinbed]

I won't be around to care, people can do as they wish to celebrate or mourn or not my passing.

They have a place in society and if they help people with their grief or mourning or whatever then fair play

 

[Fnaar]

I don't get the whole christening thing either... and loads of couples don't bother getting married these days. I didn't have an 18th birthday party, or a 21st. They're just silly little rituals which aren't necessary... just like a funeral.

I caused a bit of a kerfuffle some years ago by refusing to go to my niece's "first holy communion". I said I'd do weddings and funerals, but anything which further denotes a belief in religion (christenings, communions etc) were for those concerned, and pardon me if I think it's a ritual that means nothing to me and so I won't be there

 

[Tin Pot]

I shied away from attending a funeral yesterday. It wasn't a person close to me so I didn't feel like i had to attend, but am feeling slightly guilty for not attending and supporting the family... but it got me thinking... do we need funerals?

Like weddings and christenings, a funeral is (IMO) a pointless ritual. Personally, I'd rather not have one. If i was leaving a party early i'd just quietly slope off rather than get everyone's attention and announce my departure. Some may argue that the 'send off' is important for grieving friends and family, but is it? Or is it just something that keeps funeral directors in business and allows florists to profit from grief. I say scrap the funeral ritual.

*Is this a suitable cafe topic? ...or more SC&P?

There is literally no chance that we will stop having funerals, it is a fundamental part of our humanity and a recognised step in our evolution as a species.

The more interesting question is why people like yourself decide not to attend them, and create justifications post factum rather than address the true motivator.

 

[MontyVeda]

There is literally no chance that we will stop having funerals, it is a fundamental part of our humanity and a recognised step in our evolution as a species.

The more interesting question is why people like yourself decide not to attend them, and create justifications post factum rather than address the true motivator.

i don't think a funeral has anything to do with the evolution of our species.

I try to avoid them because they're an archaic ritual, often steeped in a religion that i don't subscribe to. I've been to humaist funerals which are better... but i still don't get why witnessing the disposal of a body is such a necessary spectacle to attend. We all know they're gone and are not coming back... do we all have to gather to make sure?

 

[SavageHoutkop]

but i still don't get why witnessing the disposal of a body is such a necessary spectacle to attend. We all know they're gone and are not coming back... do we all have to gather to make sure?

So you don't object to 'memorial services' but just to the actual body-disposal-bit?
If so I suspect more would agree with you.

 

[jefmcg]

Some people will gather and grieve and talk about it, some won't.

Yes, but where and when? When my mother died, there were so many people who wanted to grieve and talk about it, her nearly 100 year old sister-in-law, her 97 year old sister (who live about 400km apart), a few old school friends, university friends, her work colleagues, my and my brothers' friends who had spent a lot of time at our place growing up, people who had never met her but wanted to be there for me. Where should they meet to grieve? It would make most sense to do that. Hire a caterer, and have them come to the house. And many of them are Catholic, and they would like to pray together for mum? Why not do that at the parish church on the same day as the party? And as there will be quite a few people gathered in the Church, why not ask the priest if he can say a mass in my mother's name at the same time, something she would have appreciated? And we have to dispose of her body respectfully, a part of humanity so fundamental that neanderthals did it too, so it probably dates back to an ancestor of both homosapiens and neanderthals. And do that on the same day as the party, so those who have travelled to join us that day can show their respect in that manner, if they want to.

So that's what we did.

And it's not about closure, it's a chance to mourn and share your memories with others that loved the same person. I cherish the moment at a good wake where you laugh heartily and say "Dad/Mum would have loved this party"

I think the actual internment is not everyone just those closest, so while we made people welcome, we suggested they should go back to the house for food and drink. It was lovely to come back to a party in full swing.

 

[MontyVeda]

So you don't object to 'memorial services' but just to the actual body-disposal-bit?
...

Pretty much. That's the most bizarre bit of the ritual.

I'd prefer it to be; death, autopsy, raid the body for usable donor parts, incinerate... bish bash bosh, gone. Burials are a tremendous waste of space. Cremation is just a show.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

I wanted to be an undertaker but was told it's a dying trade.

I was told it was a dead end job

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

This is the thing... they know you're dead from the moment they hear so-and-so's died... the whole ritual thing doesn't change this.

That's where I go wrong too. Using logic

 

[Jefferson Meriwether]

When I die I would quite like to have my body stuffed by a taxidermist (after any usable organs have been taken & donated.) then secretly placed somewhere (Like a cave or something.) where it won't be discovered for a long time.

Then when people do eventually discover my body they'll be scratching their heads as to how/why my body ended up there

 

[mustang1]

It's an important part of grieving for somebody you loved because it gives closure and helps us to deal with the heartache of loss.

I'm not sure it gives closure. I would continue to miss them and thus unable to call it "closure".

 

[Globalti]

Well contrast that with a death or disappearance where there's no body; the bereaved will never be sure their loved one really is dead. The parents of Madeleine McCann and thousands of other kids who have disappeared will be in a state of permanent torture wondering if their child is alive and suffering somewhere.

 

[TVC]

I will not be having a funeral, a trip straight to the oven for me. Lu can come along if she likes, but no one else.


I think David Bowie skipped a funeral, so I will be in good company.

 

[MontyVeda]

Well contrast that with a death or disappearance where there's no body; the bereaved will never be sure their loved one really is dead. The parents of Madeleine McCann and thousands of other kids who have disappeared will be in a state of permanent torture wondering if their child is alive and suffering somewhere.

completely separate issue that is.

 

[Globalti]

Eh? How so?