Funniest football chants you've heard

[Greedo]

Rangers signed a player a few years ago now called Michael Mols.

one day in a paper there was a picture of him with his heavily pregnant wife. She was huge and the photo was not flattering in any shape or form. She looked awful and would have been described as 'ugly as sin' She was not the best looking in the first place anyway, nevermind being caught on a bad day from a bad angle and just about to drop!

Aberdeen and Rangers have quite a bad hatred for each other and Aberdeen people are often referred to as sheep shaggers. Anyway at a game between both at Ibrox the Aberdeen fans were singing

"We'd rather sh*g a sheep than Mrs Mols"

 

[magnatom]

This one

Turn the sound up!

 

[Tetedelacourse]

A few seasons back, Motherwell had signed one Andrew Goram in his, shall we say, twilight years. Andy was never what you'd describe as "rangy" but he'd munched a good few Glasgow Salads before he pulled on his Motherwell top. Anyway, one group of fans in front of me decided to shout "Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan" for an entire half of football. Not witty, clever or tuneful, but amusing (for the first 5 minutes).

 

[Tetedelacourse]

I was also pleased with a work colleague who, whilst attending a Hearts Aberdeen match not long after they'd signed Alan Maybury, reported that she had taunted him with "You're just a f**king roundabout".

That must have cut to the bone.

 

[Globalti]

I'm not a cheese-rolling fan but a pal of ours is a GP in Burnley. He tells us the Burnley has the highest rate of incestuous childbirth in England. In support of this, rival Blackburn fans have this chant:

"ya mums ya dad
ya das ya mum
ya interbred ya burnley scum"

 

[Maizie]

A few seasons back, Motherwell had signed one Andrew Goram in his, shall we say, twilight years.

Andy Goram was on the receiving end of "There's only two Andy Gorams" after his schizophrenia diagnosis, I believe...

 

[Yellow Fang]

There was also the "There's only two Gary Stevens" chant when both the Everton and Tottenham players were playing for England in the 86 World Cup.

 

[PaulB]

When Uriah Rennie took "control" of premiership matches, he was so bad that fans would inevitably want to sing the famous referee song. Only trouble was, it might have been construed as racist, what with him being black and all. He was so poor though that a song became an absolute necessity so another feature he had was picked on and so fans (usually of both sides) would sing "F*** off Kojak".

 

[Maz]

I went to Anfield years ago to watch Sheff Utd play (and beat) Liverpool, back when Ian Rush was a player.

To the tune of Blue Moon, we were singing:
Ian Rush - he's got a f*ckin big nose,
he's got a f*ckin big nose,
he's got a f*ckin big nose.
Ian Rush...(and so ad infinitum, well, half an hour maybe)

errrr...you had to be there, really.

 

[4F]

Chelsea fans singing at the clock end Highbury to Tony Woodcock just after he got done for drink driving

You blew in a bag, and you lost and you lost

 

[HLaB]

You tube is blocked so apologies if this is a copy of Magnatom's and I have the words wrong, The Cowden Family, a song by the extremely cr@p team IMO about their neighbours in the next division up, also cr@p IMO.

(to the tune of the Addams Family)

They come frae near Lochgelly
They havenae got a telly
They’re dirty and they’re smelly
The Cowden Family

The girls all have moustaches
They’ve all got nasty rashes
And nae daffodil ever washes
The Cowden Family

 

[swee'pea99]

Not a song, but I remember being amused by the news that during his later career, the arrival of the increasingly porky Gazza would often be greeted by a hail of Mars bars from the terraces.

 

[alecstilleyedye]

alex fans sang this to the blackpool away crowd after their chairman was sent down for naughties…

(tune 3 lions)

he's sewing bags, he's sewing bags, he's sewing
oyston's sewing bags…

 

[alecstilleyedye]

The Scottish Fans singing at Tallinn...

"There's only one Team in Tallinn,
One team in Tall-innn,
There's only one Team in Tallinn..."

...which, stragely enough, was true as Estonia were boycotting the game and so Scotland had to play by themselves.

They kicked off and I think they won, though an own-goal might have secured a victory for the absent Estonians.

no, they'd have won 3-1, instead of the 3-0 awarded for a walkover.

 

[andylaw79]

I remember Liverpool fans chanting to Ronhaldino(?) "Cilla want's her teeth back" during a champions league match.