Gary Speed RIP

[dodgy]

Hard to feel sympathy when someone takes their own life leaving kids behind. Oh, and leaves the body for the family to find.

Controversial, you're cool you are.

 

[Asa Post]

I find it difficult to understand this sort of response...

I can understand Mickle's attitude, because it's a common one. But I've been to the same bad place as MissTF and every word she says is true. The ability to think rationally disappears, but the belief that you *are* thinking rationally is stronger than ever. In those circumstances, anything is possible.

 

[mickle]

I find it difficult to understand this sort of response.

Firstly, we don't know if it was suicide for certain yet.

Secondly, we do not know the circumstances surrounding it if it was. If he was suffering from a mental health disorder, you can't rationalise his taking his life. Because when you have a mental health disorder, you don't think rationally. That's why it's called a disorder.

As someone who has spent a long old time with mental health problems (both aware and unaware of the fact - my CCO thinks I have been affected since about the age of 5), I wish a could adequately explain what happens during an episode, but it is very difficult. But it is very much a mind altering experience which not only causes changes in thoughts, but a complete personality change.

I have tried to kill myself before. Not because if felt sorry for myself, but because I couldn't see what I was contributing to the world and I honestly believed that people would be PLEASED that I was dead and that indeed they would benefit from it (yes, my family included). It's not true, of course, (they'd end up paying my debts for one thing!), but that was my genuine and lasting belief at the time and I found it hard to grasp this wasn't the case, even though they had gone to the bother of saving my life.

So please consider that in this case the world is not always black and white and that reality doesn't exist for some of us.

Actually, if you believe the BBC, we do know for certain that he took his own life by hanging himself.

I'm talking from personal experience - My friend killed himself two years ago leaving four kids. The repercussions from which will continue to be felt for a very long time. For the family who has to deal with the aftermath on a daily basis, it can be very difficult to get to a place where sadness and sympathy for the deceased is not clouded by feelings of anger and betrayal.

 

[MissTillyFlop]

Actually, if you believe the BBC, we do know for certain that he took his own life by hanging himself.

I'm talking from personal experience - My friend killed himself two years ago leaving four kids. The repercussions from which will continue to be felt for a very long time. For the family who has to deal with the aftermath on a daily basis, it can be very difficult to get to a place where sadness and sympathy for the deceased is not clouded by feelings of anger and betrayal.

I understand anger if it someone who is close to you, because there is a direct impact. And I would never question that response coming from loved ones.

However, if he intentionally ended his own life in such a way that he didn't protect his family from finding the body, then you have to question if he was in his right mind when he did it. In which case, we can't judge it from a rational standpoint.

I don't believe the news unless it's based in solid fact. Until an inquest has happened, we don't know.

Don't forget Michael Hutchins - hanging yes, suicide, no.

 

[pubrunner]

Hard to feel sympathy when someone takes their own life leaving kids behind. Oh, and leaves the body for the family to find.

I think that someone who takes their life (with the realisation that their body will be found by loved ones) is fully deserving of sympathy.

Gary seemingly had everything; despite this, he decide to end things. We don't know and may never know, what led him to take his own life. Whatever it was, must have been something terribly dark & depressing. I'd certainly have the utmost sympathy for someone feeling so low. I hope that I never go to that 'place' myself.

If someone is 'down' do you just say 'get on with it' ? Or do you try to show compassion, sympathy and understanding ?

 

[Archie_tect]

He took his life hours after being on Saturday TV. Must have been something going on that was so difficult to face that he couldn't face going on.
Reminds me of a friend who did the same just after his 42nd birthday. He was under stress at work but couldn't admit it, though people tried to talk it through... he left a wife and 2 small children behind too- awful.

 

[MissTillyFlop]

He took his life hours after being on Saturday TV. Must have been something going on that was so difficult to face that he couldn't face going on.
Reminds me of a friend who did the same just after his 42nd birthday. He was under stress at work but couldn't admit it, though people tried to talk it through... he left a wife and 2 small children behind too- awful.

I remember when my brother tried (and very nearly succeeded - had it not been for my mum needing the loo in the early hours, I dread to think....).

Far from being haunted or depressed, he was happier in the last two days before the attempt than he had been for years.

 

[Archie_tect]

Far from being haunted or depressed, he was happier in the last two days before the attempt than he had been for years.

Perhaps that's when he'd taken the decision. The relief from the pressure of having to cope was something our friend mentioned, but it was too late to help then.

It's a selfish act in many ways as the family is left to cope with the anger and the guilt which follow. It's the 10th anniversary of our friend's suicide- it stays with you forever.

 

[MissTillyFlop]

Perhaps that's when he'd taken the decision. The relief from the pressure of having to cope was something our friend mentioned, but it was too late to help then.

It's a selfish act in many ways as the family is left to cope with the anger and the guilt which follow. It's the 10th anniversary of our friend's suicide- it stays with you forever.

I can imagine.

I get angry with the diseases that cause it too and the fact that doctors don't even know what causes it (hence we are not allowed to donate blood/marrow or go on the organ donor register (well I'm on it, as I registered before I knew, but they won't use them, apparently).

I remember my psychiatrist telling me in their office they refer to it as a terminal disease. I remember thinking "Steady on, I'm supposed to be the morose one in this partnership".

It must be hard losing someone in this way, but you can blame people fro all sorts of things - my mum still blames my auntie for ignoring the fact she was ill until her cancer became terminal and I suppose it makes it easier to cope with the idea that the person could have done something to prevent this.

Not everyone who kills themselves has made a decision in the usual sense of the word. Sometimes it is this outside force which takes over your head. I have no desire to die now, I have everything to live for. But I cannot guarantee that I can control this urge if I have another episode (especially if I were to hear voices). But this is why I have sought help and have a support network in place should this happen.

However, if you've slipped under the radar, haven't been diagnosed and are in denial yourself, then yes, it would be very difficult to overcome.

But again, we only know he's been found hung. The what, not the how or the why.

 

[Archie_tect]

CC is a brilliant forum. We may all be cyclists but the breadth of knowledge and the advice people have is incredible.

Thanks Shaun!

 

[migrantwing]

Very sad, indeed! Great player and manager and a nice guy. As many have mentioned, you just never know what is going on in a persons head. Could have been relationship issues, financial worry, or just stress. The slightest thing, that to most people is an everyday part of life, can cause some people to crack. I've lost a few friends and acquaintances to suicide over the years. You just never know.

 

[Maz]

I could not believe this when I heard it. Such sad news.

As a Blade, I've seen him as a player and manager at Bramall Lane before he took the Wales job. I also remember watching him play at the lane when he was at Leeds Utd and Newcastle Utd.

 

[007fair]

Incredible this happened after appearing on Footy focus on Saturday I feel terrible for him and especially now for his family. Can't help but wonder if the problem was something that could have been resolved via professional help - if it could it makes it even sadder

For the man - he was the guy who did everything with respect and rightly commanded respect in return Nothing to say against him at all

 

[soulful dog]

It's just so sad, what a waste. He appears to have been an absolute gem of a man.

You really do feel for his family, but while I can understand the view of people who think suicide is a selfish act, I can't help but feel more sympathy than anything else for him, or anyone else in that kind of situation (if it is indeed down to depression).

 

[Lisa21]

For the family who has to deal with the aftermath on a daily basis, it can be very difficult to get to a place where sadness and sympathy for the deceased is not clouded by feelings of anger and betrayal.

Be wary of tarring all people with the same brush,everyone will cope with a situation differently. And I do know what Im talking about, My Dad committed suicide when I was 16. I was the one who found him, and who had to deal with the "aftermath" as I was on my own from then on. But I coped, I had no other choice. And I have never felt any feelings other than love and respect for him, It was bloody difficult for me yes, but he had his reasons, which I fully understand (moreso now im older)