Going away when relatives are very ill

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Banjo

Fuelled with Jelly Babies
Location
South Wales
I did a Cycle chat group ride organized by @theclaud when my father was in his last few weeks. I was under so much stress I forgot where my car was when we got back .After an hour cycling round looking I was about to give up and cycle home when I stumbled on it .

Your not going to be relaxed while away personally I don't think theres much point in going.
 
You only get one mum, how many holidays can you have in the next 40 years ?
 

Globalti

Legendary Member
We were in this situation with my dying MIL. You can afford to lose the air fare and you can probably negotiate with the hotel to postpone the booking or get a refund. The medical staff, especially the nurses, will have seen it all before so they will have a pretty good idea of when your MIL is about to die, so I would ask their advice. If they though it was imminent I would postpone my holiday because I'd feel terrible if she died alone.
 
My now-deceased VERY good mate's m-i-l was supposedly suffering from incurable cancer and his wife pleaded with him to him to let her spend her last few months with them.

She lived another 20+ years with them, causing many problems between said friend and his wife, which led to him returning to his very heavy drinking and consequently dying of liver, kidney and heart failure at the age of 49.

There is no time like THE PRESENT.
 

nickyboy

Norven Mankey
For me it would boil down to how you and your wife would handle being away.

If you would spend all your time waiting for the call then I wouldn't bother going. If however you can get some enjoyment while away and forget about things for a few hours then I'd definitely go. You can always get back quickly if absolutely necessary.

It really depends on whether you will be able to enjoy your holiday or not. Everyone's different
 

Joffey

Big Dosser
Location
Yorkshire
I'd stay. I missed an Oasis gig as my dad was really ill. He died that night and I wouldn't have been there for my mother if I'd been at the gig.

You can buy another holiday.
 

Salad Dodger

Legendary Member
Location
Kent Coast
When my mum was in her last days, with cancer, the nurses suggested on one particular night that we should stay with her, as they expected she would not live through the night. We stayed, mum survived the night (albeit drugged up to the point that she almost certainly did not even know we were there). The nurses then said that we should go about our lives as normal - or as near as normal as you can be in the circumstances - but to keep our mobiles switched on. So for a couple more days we went back to the pattern of just visiting in visiting hours.

On one particular day my wife visited in the afternoon but mum was unconscious. We were due to go to a music event that night and my wife asked about whether we should go. Same advice was given to us: go but have a phone with you. The hospital called at about 9.45pm and suggested we should get down there. It was only about a 20 minute drive. Mum hung on until about 1.30 in the morning, and then passed away. She had not responded to our presence, but we were there at the end.

Moral of the story is that the medical staff can't be perfect, but do have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen and when. Talk to them.

Would I have gone abroad in (what turned out to be) those last few days? No, because I don't think I would have enjoyed myself whilst constantly wondering if the phone was going to ring with a "get here now" message at any moment.

Best wishes to you however you decide.....
 
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