Heard a fantasic retort today...

[ianrauk]

I was behind another cyclist (he was lycra road type).. at a junction we both moved to the right of a small hatch as it was indicating left. The chav in the car shouted out to the roadie... "oi you look right gay!" to which the roadie retorted "Gay?.... not when I am f***ing your mother".

Laugh? I nearly fell off my bike...

 

[gavintc]

Worth remembering - that is a good one.

 

[downfader]

Oh yes!!! Just forwarded that, the cruder the better and the funnier I seem to find these retorts.

 

[Arch]

Excellent!

Probably, for best effect, to be said in a very posh voice, with 'dear chap' at the end...

 

[yenrod]

I was behind another cyclist (he was lycra road type).. at a junction we both moved to the right of a small hatch as it was indicating left. The chav in the car shouted out to the roadie... "oi you look right gay!" to which the roadie retorted "Gay?.... not when I am f***ing your mother".

Laugh? I nearly fell off my bike...

Oh YES !

Thats made my day upto now.

 

[downfader]

I would add that they should be short as well. In fact there is one four letter I can think of that shuts up just about everybody, and has people sat in shock at times. It begins with C and rhymes with punt Used wisely, the effect can be devastating

I've found myself shouting "F*** OFF YOU C***!!" a few times when someone decides its their right to be an inch off my backwheel beeping their horn.

I know a lad at work, he's from Glasgow himself and his family moved south a few years back. 17 and bikes everywhere he said. So I asked him "..had any nasty incidents on the road then.." as you do.

He replied "Aye, this morning a guy pulled out on me on a round about so I shouted 'F*** yee, ya wee bastie!!!' and put a dent in the top of his car wi ma fist" He said the guy looked so shocked by the accent and the behaviour that he sunk in his seat and tried to floor it.

Not that I condone violence, but sometimes the shock of a situation does make you react witn words you wouldnt normally come out with.

 

[HLaB]

I was behind another cyclist (he was lycra road type).. at a junction we both moved to the right of a small hatch as it was indicating left. The chav in the car shouted out to the roadie... "oi you look right gay!" to which the roadie retorted "Gay?.... not when I am f***ing your mother".

Laugh? I nearly fell off my bike...

Excellent but it does make you wonder why the chav felt urged to make that comment.

 

[BIGSESAL]

Haha excellent. My friend who doesn't really understand cycling saw me going through the town one day and shouted 'What you riding that thing for'.

I shouted back 'Mate, yer maw was busy'.

 

[dodgy]

but it does make you wonder why the chav felt urged to make that comment.

Because he's a chav, innit.

 

[ufkacbln]

Wasn't it a pair of cricketers who had something similar.. I can't remember the eaxct sequence but it was something like:

Cricketer 1 - "Fat b@st@rd"
Cricketer 2 - "The reason i am fat is every time I sha8 your mother she gives e a biscuit"

 

[Pottsy]

Yes I think it was a Zimbabwe cricketer called Brandes with the bowler being McGrath from Australia. After playing and missing to several balls McGrath said something along the lines of 'Brandes, how come you're so fat?'. Then came the line that Cunobelin mentions.

Apparently the Australian fielders in the vicinity (McGrath's own team) were besides themselves with laughter and the game had to pause for a couple of minutes before they all gathered themselves!

 

[BentMikey]

Yes I think it was a Zimbabwe cricketer called Brandes with the bowler being McGrath from Australia. After playing and missing to several balls McGrath said something along the lines of 'Brandes, how come you're so fat?'. Then came the line that Cunobelin mentions.

Apparently the Australian fielders in the vicinity (McGrath's own team) were besides themselves with laughter and the game had to pause for a couple of minutes before they all gathered themselves!

Yup, that's the finest retort I've ever heard.

p.s. I was at school with Grant and Andy Flower. Just goes to show how small the place is, and I don't even like cricket.

 

[yenrod]

I've found myself shouting "F*** OFF YOU C***!!" a few times when someone decides its their right to be an inch off my backwheel beeping their horn.

I know a lad at work, he's from Glasgow himself and his family moved south a few years back. 17 and bikes everywhere he said. So I asked him "..had any nasty incidents on the road then.." as you do.

He replied "Aye, this morning a guy pulled out on me on a round about so I shouted 'F*** yee, ya wee bastie!!!' and put a dent in the top of his car wi ma fist" He said the guy looked so shocked by the accent and the behaviour that he sunk in his seat and tried to floor it.

Not that I condone violence, but sometimes the shock of a situation does make you react witn words you wouldnt normally come out with.

Last time I hit a car well a Taxi actually I ended up fighting with him as he'd chased me'..split up only by a Bus driver and that was because we where blocking his way

 

[Will1985]

Brilliant. I'll remember that for next time. Unfortunately I tend to get objects rather than insults thrown at me.

 

[Twiggy]

I think it could be better, something along the lines of "I'm not attracted to you, stop asking!"