Hideous parenting; what to do?

[PaulB]

I've seen two examples of really, really bad parenting in the last week and both really got to me.

The first one was a young woman with three little boys. She behaved herself reasonably well in the post office but when she got outside, she leant down to launch a tirade of foul-mouthed abuse into the face of the cheekiest little boy who was only yearning some parental attention and boy did he get it! I wanted to go up and say something but the crossing lights changed and she'd crossed the road all the way calling him the foulest, filthy names you could think of.

Then yesterday in of all places, the canteen of a hospital, a father yanked his little boy off the floor by his arm and swung him around before chucking him back down to the ground. This upset the boy and because his crying interrupted the father's attention to his mobile phone, he picked him up again by the same arm and swung him around some more. In the queue were doctors and nurses and none of them uttered one word to the bad father. This was enough for me and I got up to remonstrate with him but before I got to him, he'd relented and picked up the child for a cuddle in response to the kid's pleading, arms out, for some parental attention.

And these are just the ones I've seen. There must be some 'parents' out there who need a verbal kick up the arse.

Has anybody ever said anything when seeing terrible examples of child cruelty like this?

 

[ASC1951]

Has anybody ever said anything when seeing terrible examples of child cruelty like this?

Not for something like that, no. It's not the way my parents ever treated me, but to call that behaviour "terrible examples of child cruelty" is a bit silly.

 

[BrianEvesham]

It's a minefield, but I would.

 

[BrianEvesham]

Not for something like that, no. It's not the way my parents ever treated me, but to call that behaviour "terrible examples of child cruelty" is a bit silly.

I disagree as well.
Would would you call swinging a small child around by his arm then ( as per example)?

 

[ColinJ]

Yes, it is very difficult to witness such things, Paul. The problem is that hideous people often make hideous parents, but having children is one of the most fundamental human rights there is, so to try and take that right away from people, hideous or not, will meet with the strongest opposition. What can you do - forcibly sterilise those who are not up to the job? I wouldn't want to live somewhere where that was standard practice! (Tempting though the idea might be in some cases ...)

Really, we must just do our best to support the unfortunate children of the hideous, and try to prevent them becoming hideous parents themselves in the future. That means developing an economy which actually works to the benefit of most people (rather than just a few at the top), an education system which works properly, and a social care system with adequate resources.

It would be tempting to 'have a word' with awful parents, but it wouldn't really help, would it? They are not going to have an epiphany and suddenly become wonderful, caring people. More likely there would be a terrible argument which would upset the children even more. I think you should intervene directly if the children are in immediate physical danger, contact Social Services if you feel that an official longer-term intervention is called for, or perhaps just offer some kind of practical help if you can.

I know someone whose neighbour's wife has gone spectacularly AWOL with Tom, Dick, Harry and their stash of drugs, leaving him with several young children to care for and a stressful job to try and hang on to. Help has been offered, to give the shattered neighbour a few hours respite now and then. Those little acts of kindness might just make the difference which prevents the family breaking down altogether.

 

[ASC1951]

I disagree as well.
Would would you call swinging a small child around by his arm then ( as per example)?

I would call it the wrong way to discipline a child, if discipline was needed. But once you start calling that, or swearing, "terrible examples of child cruelty" you run out of vocabulary for serious ill-treatment.

 

[ColinJ]

I would call it the wrong way to discipline a child, if discipline was needed. But once you start calling that, or swearing, "terrible examples of child cruelty" you run out of vocabulary for serious ill-treatment.

"What did you think of the beer that you just drank?"

"It was awesome!"

"What did you think of the view from the lip of the Grand Canyon?"

"It was, er, really awesome!"

 

[PaulB]

Really, we must just do our best to support the unfortunate children of the hideous, and try to prevent them becoming hideous parents themselves in the future. That means developing an economy which actually works to the benefit of most people (rather than just a few at the top), an education system which works properly, and a social care system with adequate resources.

It would be tempting to 'have a word' with awful parents, but it wouldn't really help, would it? They are not going to have an epiphany and suddenly become wonderful, caring people. More likely there would be a terrible argument which would upset the children even more. I think you should intervene directly if the children are in immediate physical danger, contact Social Services if you feel that an official longer-term intervention is called for, or perhaps just offer some kind of practical help if you can.

These two points are the most relevant to me.

As to the first, me and my wife are on the way to becoming foster parents. It will take some 3-day seminars and training courses but we'll get there.

As for the second, I've found myself in some trouble in this regard. One time, I couldn't stop myself intervening when I heard some atrocious violence by a drunken lout against a child inside his house in the middle of the afternoon. You can understand why the father wasn't best pleased at being lectured on parental supervision on his doorstep by a total stranger! We later learned, through my wife's profession, that this child had been taken into care due to the neglected child being assessed as having too many NAIs at the local casualty unit (when it was still open). Another time, I discretely enquired from my wife, at the time working in casualty, as to the address of a mother under arrest for immersing her toddler into a boiling bath of water for the unpardonable sin of wetting the bed. She tells me nothing now as I stupidly went round to her address and 'vented my feelings' as to her abuse.

If there's one thing I cannot abide in any way shape or form it is the suffering of an innocent child. I certainly couldn't do the job my wife does as it is primarily in this exact arena and she cannot unburden herself at home as I can't listen to some of the stories she has to keep hidden from me.

 

[gary r]

ask my Dad ! we were beaten with a belt for minor issues, and then beaten more and told to stop crying ! always happened in doors so no one could ever intervene

 

[compo]

The worst "parenting" I experienced was in care by so called professionals. This was in the 50' and 60's. Seeing how many of the girls nowadays being groomed for sex and prostitution are kids in care I guess nothing has changed.

 

[pauldavid]

I've seen two examples of really, really bad parenting in the last week and both really got to me.

The first one was a young woman with three little boys. She behaved herself reasonably well in the post office but when she got outside, she leant down to launch a tirade of foul-mouthed abuse into the face of the cheekiest little boy who was only yearning some parental attention and boy did he get it! I wanted to go up and say something but the crossing lights changed and she'd crossed the road all the way calling him the foulest, filthy names you could think of.

Then yesterday in of all places, the canteen of a hospital, a father yanked his little boy off the floor by his arm and swung him around before chucking him back down to the ground. This upset the boy and because his crying interrupted the father's attention to his mobile phone, he picked him up again by the same arm and swung him around some more. In the queue were doctors and nurses and none of them uttered one word to the bad father. This was enough for me and I got up to remonstrate with him but before I got to him, he'd relented and picked up the child for a cuddle in response to the kid's pleading, arms out, for some parental attention.

And these are just the ones I've seen. There must be some 'parents' out there who need a verbal kick up the arse.

Has anybody ever said anything when seeing terrible examples of child cruelty like this?

What to do?


Mind your own business and carry on. They may not be the perfect parents we would all like to think we are but that in no way sounds as bad as it gets. Their children are their children not yours and your tuppence being thrown in will have no bearing on future behaviour at all.

 

[Flying_Monkey]

Bringing up kids is a lot more stressful than non-parents realize, for all the wonderful times. I hesitate to judge other parents, especially those in less fortunate circumstances than me, on single incidents seen out of the context of whatever else may normally happen in their lives.