I have an Orbea Gain D40 with the X35 rear hub motor.
1) It's about 14.5 kgs without mudguards etc. The carbon frame equivalent is about 11.5kg. I can understand a gravel oriented bike may have a bit more weight due to frame, tyres and wheels, but I came to it from my Giant hybrid which is about the same weight so it didn't feel heavy to me.
2) I've not noticed any motor drag per se. Doing a spin down test on a stand, yes the rear wheel does stop a little quicker than a normal hub but when riding this is not noticeable. You do notice what feels like drag when the motor cuts out at 15.5mph, but I find it as easy to pedal above the cutoff, on the flat as my non electric road bike.
The X35 only has a sensor in the rear wheel to detect pedalling. There are magnets in the cassette lockring. Basically if the cassette is moving with the wheel, it detects this as the bike being pedalled and applies the motor - if assist is on and under the cutoff speed. When setting off it does take half a second or so before the motor comes on.
Many other ebikes have torque sensors and if the controller is suitably programmed, can detect pedal pressure from static and apply the motor from a standing start. My Bosch powered eMTB can do this, but I think it's only in some settings.
Some hub motor bikes have a torque sensor setup but it's mostly mid motors as it can be built into the motor/BB housing rather than separate.
3) As others have said, spinning out is purely down to the gearing. My Gain has a compact 2x 50/34 so this isn't a problem.