Jesus knows you're here

[Greedo]

A Burglar broke into a house one night.
He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin,
clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more ,
after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he
could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room,
his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.


'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked,
'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh?
Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'



'The kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.'

 

[TheDoctor]

Taxi for Mr Greedo!!!!!

 

[on the road]

good one

 

[Noodley]

 

[Deleted member 1258]

A great golden oldie, Here's another one

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you will agree and it's a steal at only £20”. “Why is it that cheap?” The Women asks. “well,” replies the assistant, “it used to live in a brothel, and as a result its language is a bit fruity”. “Oh I don't mind that,” said the Women, making her mind up, “I'm broad minded and it will be a laugh having a profane parrot”. So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the Woman, “**** me, a new brothel and a new madam”. “I'm not a Madam and this is not a brothel”. Says the Women indignantly. A little while later the Women's two teenage daughters arrive home. “A new brothel, a new Madam, and now new prostitutes”. Says the parrot when he sees the daughters. “Mum tell your parrot to shut up, we are not prostitutes”, Complained the girls, but they see the funny side have a laugh at their new pet. A short later, the Women's Husband comes home. “Well **** me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients. How are ya doing, Dave?!!”

 

[Mycroft]

shone perhaps?

funny though

 

[Greedo]

shone perhaps?

funny though

Copy and paste. wouldn't have typed all that out.