Jobless

[palinurus]

Not me, someone at the local Sainsbury's.

Last night they announced "Thank you for shopping at Sainsbury's, now you can all f*** off".

Maybe it was intentional, maybe some silly sod didn't double check whether the mic was live. Either way it enhanced my shopping experience.

 

[Landslide]

I'm now wondering if I could create spoof anouncements in random supermarkets, using a toy glockenspiel and a loudhailer.
[Loudhailer]
"Bing-bong! For the next 5 minutes, all bananas are free! Thankyou for shopping at Tescos! Bing-bong!"
[/Loudhailer]
*Run for the exit*

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Brilliant!!!

IIRC it was Alan Coren who said 'I like Sainsbury's - it keeps the riff-raff out of Waitrose'

This just shows what dreadful things go on in the 'rough' supermarkets!!

'Has my Fortnums delivery arrived yet?'

 

[alecstilleyedye]

I'm now wondering if I could create spoof anouncements in random supermarkets, using a toy glockenspiel and a loudhailer.
[Loudhailer]
"Bing-bong! For the next 5 minutes, all bananas are free! Thankyou for shopping at Tescos! Bing-bong!"
[/Loudhailer]
*Run for the exit*

i've spotted a flaw, mostly the fruit and veg is near the doors…

 

[thomas]

At work we once told security that someone had left a credit card....we gave them the name of this "person". A few minutes later, across the whole shopping centre.

"Will a Mr P Ness please return to...."


The chap didn't realise, but his boss found it hilarious when he found out!

 

[Bigtwin]

One of the few lighter aspects of commuting on the tubs was sardonic drivers on a glum day

"which bit of stand clear of the doors does the fat bloke in carriage 3 not understand?"

and other gems.

 

[Fnaar]

Years ago there was a very droll Scottish platform announcer at Kings X underground, who used to say things along the lines of...
"The next train will be a circle line train for Paddington... or it could be a Metropolitan line train going somewhere else... I'll let you know when i see what it says on the front" etc. All done in way which used to cheer up my mornings when I lived in Laaaahhhnnnnnndan.

 

[yello]

I've always wanted to here "This is a public service announcement". Nothing more. It'd make me chuckle.

Agreed though, some of the tube drivers do a very nice line in droll announcements. I've heard a few but can't recall any just now.

 

[Arch]

On the trian the other day, the chap announced

"Please note the seat reservation system is not working today. Fortunately...."

<long pause>

"my apologies..." Tannoy off.

Presumably he couldn't find anything fortunate to say...

And I was on a train once where the buffet guy did the whole "We have a selection of hot and cold drinks, snacks etc" spiel after each station in little verses, different each time. One included the lines "If you have a sweet tooth, we have chocolates and cakes, if you have no teeth, we have soup".

 

[ComedyPilot]

My boss was repairing a mates potato rumbler today - it looks a bit like a potter's wheel.

He was bent over it in the middle of the workshop, with loads of staff all round working away. I had already said he ought to give local ladies pottery lessons ala Patrick Sweaty in 'Ghost'.

It was too good an opportunity to miss - I played the Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody over the tannoy.

You could hear him swear from my office!!!

 

[Kirstie]

I was once on an old intercity train from Manchester to Birmingham about 15 years ago. As the train was picking up speed, the guard kept going 'nnnnnyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeoooooowwwwwww' down the tannoy.