You know you are a true Jock if....... 1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, Auchtermuchty and Awfurfuksake 2. Ye actually like deep fried pizza fae the chippie 3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day 4. Ye cannae pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert. 5. Ye kin fall aboot pished withoot spillin yer drink. 6. Ye see people wearin shell suits wi Burberry accessories - Pure Dead Class! 7. Ye measure distance in minutes. 8. Ye kin understaun Rab C. Nesbitt and know characters jist like him in yer ain family 9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think its like gaun tae the ocean 10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer words 11. Ye know whit haggis is made of and still like eating it. 12. Somedy ye ken his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur weddin date. 13. Ye've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the church/Chapel 14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. 15. Ye know Irn-bru is a hangover cure. 16. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums. 17. Ye actually understaun this and ur gonnae send it tae yer pals. 18. Finally, you are 100% TrueJockif you have ever said/heard these phrases: Hows it hingin Clarty Boggin Cludgie Pished Get it up ye Wee beasties Arse bandit Amurny Away an bile yer heid Peely-wally Humphy backit Ba' heid Baw bag Dubble nugget And finally.... A wee Glesga wummin goes intae a Butchershop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is staunin haunds ahint his back, wi his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wummin checks oot the display case and asks: 'Is that yer Ayrshire Bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher 'Its jist ma hauns ah'm heatin.'