Kids wind-up #251

[Drago]

Mini Drago is 5, and this week wants to be a Doctor. This morning I was sitting on the sofa reading the paper and quaffing a Nespresso, when she came to me wearing her toy Doctors coat and toy stethoscope.

She informed me that I have a bad tummy and she needed to check it out. Being a big kid myself I immediately sensed a chance for mischief!

I played along and kept her talking about an imaginary bad tummy. While she was distracted I sneaked one of her soft toys inside my dressing gown.

I then said, "OK Doctor, you'd better have a look", and with this she started to listen to my tummy with the toy stethoscope.

Right on cue I slipped my left hand inside my dressing gown, grabbed the teddy and started to gag and choke like John Hurt in Alien. After ten seconds of that, Teddie's head popped out of the dressing gown and Mini Drago ran off screaming.

Mrs D told me off, but I still can't stop giggling.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

And just because she was honest with you about your BMI...

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

I played a trick on my, then 15 year old (now 16) daughter, & had the Riot Act read to me afterwards

We'd been watching Police Interceptors, & it was an edition, where TASERs were used
We have one of those infra-red thermometers, that are used in garages/engineering workshops

I waited until she was settled down, watching something else, & burst into the room, red-dotting her, shouting "Taser, Taser!!!"

The resultant screams, were what initated said reading of the Riot Act

 

[pplpilot]

Do people really still wear dressing gowns? Blimey.....

 

[Gasman]

When my daughter was losing her baby teeth I once forgot to put a coin under her pillow. Cue upset daughter and angry looks from SWMBO. While Little Miss Gas was having breakfast I left a note on her pillow saying,
"Sorry I missed your tooth, I had a very busy night and you were awake by the time I arrived. You must be a very early riser. Leave it out again and I'll pop in tonight. Yours, TF"

All forgiven.

 

[Drago]

I must have been forgiven. She's fallen asleep in bed next to me, and I'm having a quite cuddle with the prettiest 5 year old in the World.

 

[Supersuperleeds]

I must have been forgiven. She's fallen asleep in bed next to me, and I'm having a quite cuddle with the prettiest 5 year old in the World.

You want to be careful or your tough guy image may get damaged.

 

[Mr Celine]

When my daughter was losing her baby teeth I once forgot to put a coin under her pillow. Cue upset daughter and angry looks from SWMBO. While Little Miss Gas was having breakfast I left a note on her pillow saying,
"Sorry I missed your tooth, I had a very busy night and you were awake by the time I arrived. You must be a very early riser. Leave it out again and I'll pop in tonight. Yours, TF"

All forgiven.

One Hogmanay cabin fever had set in at the Celine household resulting in a fight between the Celinettes and one of them lost a tooth as a result. Mr toothfairy forgot all about it due to large amounts of single malt.
Despite my hangover next morning I managed to convince her that the tooth fairy doesn't work on public holidays.

 

[postman]

Postman also got told off by Mrs Postman.Many years ago,we both did shift work,so i took on equal shares of duties,which included playtimes.One such playtime was parachute jumping.
Three seat cushions off the sofa laid on the floor.Two kids then bounce up and down on the sofa till enough height is achieved then launch themselves off into the air and a soft landing on cushions.That was until Mrs Postman aka Mrs Plod came home early.Nicked bang to right guv.

 

[swee'pea99]

My friend's son (aged about 6) was bouncing on the sofa (forbidden) when he made unplanned contact with a paper lampshade and pretty much destroyed it. He told us the cat had suddenly leapt off the back of the sofa and tried to hang off the lampshade. Yeah right. Nice try though .

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBa1lSY3EqU

 

[Mr Celine]

Winding up your kids can backfire.
Many years ago, before we had any kids ourselves, Mrs Celine and I were returning from the summit of Ben Lomond on a scorching hot day. About 300m from the car park a wee boy came sprinting up the hill towards us and breathlessly asked if it was true that there was an ice cream van at the top. After I confirmed that there was, he held out a 50p piece and asked if that would be enough for an ice cream. I told him he didn't need money, it was all free.
Off he sprinted up the hill with renewed energy.
Just before the car park we were approached by a couple. He was on the large side, out of breath and sweating profusely, and being harangued by his wife. He asked us if we had seen a small boy going up the hill path.....

 

[Profpointy]

My friend's son (aged about 6) was bouncing on the sofa (forbidden) when he made unplanned contact with a paper lampshade and pretty much destroyed it. He told us the cat had suddenly leapt off the back of the sofa and tried to hang off the lampshade. Yeah right. Nice try though .

Reminds me of a story my next door neighbour told. He worked in newspaper printing and on the nightshift if the machines were running well there was a lot of opportunity to arse around. They were basicially playing rugby lobbing round a quite heavy and solid cyclinder of rolled up newspapers which inevitably went through the (internal) window into the boss's office. The roll of newspapers was OK as that's how the test runs came off the machine, so they said it was on a table by the window and got knocked through the window. On the monday boss didn't believe this patentently cock-and-bull story and was telling them off crossly waving his arms but accidntally knocked the "evidence" back through his newly reglazed window. The was an awkward pause and nothing more was said.