Letting kids go to concerts...

[Fab Foodie]

You've reached that difficult stage as parents where learning to let go a bit so they can grow and develop into independent adults is difficult to do but must be done. Its usually worse for the mothers letting go. As for what to do, I would suggest you thank her for asking for permission, explain why her mother might be worried about her going and tell her you will talk to her mother and let her know your (joint) decision - to avoid the trick of using one of you against the other. But then try to find out what her mothers fears are, put in place maybe one or two light rules, like picking her up when its finished, to satisfy her mother but then persuade her that she is going to fly the nest at some point in the next few years and she has to be encouraged to learn to fly solo in a supportive and caring environment which she won't do locked up at home.

But I'll tell you what her mother is going through is nothing compared to what you will go through when she brings her first boyfriend home and you realise that his intentions towards your daughter are the same as yours were towards girls when you were that age.

(from the Dad of two well adjusted and independent daughters now beyond their teens)

This. Good advice.

 

[PBancroft]

I led a fairly sheltered upbringing, but by 16 I had been to more than one concert and by 17 I had met the love of my life whom I now married to.

Let her go.

 

[Norm]

Blimey, I commuted to school in London from the age of 12 and had ben to my first gig (Ian Dury at the Hammy Odeon) long before I was 16.

Another way to see it is that she could join the army. If it's thought she's old enough to fight for Queen and country, a Justin Bieber show should be a breeze.

I know how hard it is to let them go, my oldest is just a few years behind, and I realise that it could be very judgemental to say this on the basis of a few lines posted on a forum thread, but I think you and your wife need to have a chat about your hopes and aspirations for your daughter. She could be driving within 12 months, at uni within 24, I think that you and your wife need to be united, in whatever decision, to help your daughter through what will be a whole load of mental and physical turmoil. Stability will be immensely important to her and I doubt if she will get much long-term benefit from the uncertainty which comes from being able to use your parents against each other.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

an appreciation of ANY music is a fine thing indeed.

Why? I never did due to my hearing and I have turned out ok (I think). Really, I have never understood why it has to be some sort of social obligation, like Football etc. Are people's lives really so empty, seriously?

I for the record have started listening to things now I have i - tunes, but I most certainly do not see it as being a necessity. Oh and I barely know or care who The Who are never mind this Mr Beiber chap.

I seem to have 'missed' it all out, and if you think I have somehow been deprived then that's your problem, not mine.

That is all.

 

[Norm]

It's not an obligation, it's not a necessity and there is no emptiness without it, but it's a fine thing.

Appreciation of wine is a fine thing, but the vast majority have no problems without it.

Appreciation of the noise of a 16 cylinder aero engine is a fine thing... etc

Just because you didn't have that appreciation, it doesn't make you any worse than anyone else, but I think it might have caused some resentment to cause you to misinterpret what was written.

I don't strive to be better than anyone else, I strive to be that best me that I can be. A love of music, cycling, motor racing, literature, photography, wine and the noise of a 16 cylinder aero engine doesn't make me better than someone who doesn't love that stuff, just better than the me I would be if I didn't love that stuff.

 

[NotthatJasonKenny]

I don't want to be an arse, and I try to be respectful of other people beliefs but I fail to see what religion has to do with going to a concert? Just like I fail to see why religion should be a part of education, politics, employment, culture, lifestyles etc...

I believe religion is a private thing, a spiritual thing, it shouldn't effect a normal, socially acceptable way of life outside of that.

Neither should ones own, personal beliefs effect how anyone else live their lives, including our childrens. Richard Dawkins put it best when he said is it a catholic child or a child of catholic parents? We have raised our daughter to make her own mind up when she is old enough.

On the original point, my 13yr old daughter has been to four concerts, all with Mum or mum and gran in tow and until she is 16 that's how it will be.

 

[NotthatJasonKenny]

Why? I never did due to my hearing and I have turned out ok (I think). Really, I have never understood why it has to be some sort of social obligation, like Football etc. Are people's lives really so empty, seriously?

I for the record have started listening to things now I have i - tunes, but I most certainly do not see it as being a necessity. Oh and I barely know or care who The Who are never mind this Mr Beiber chap.

I seem to have 'missed' it all out, and if you think I have somehow been deprived then that's your problem, not mine.

That is all.

He said its a fine thing, not a requirement in life!

Some people love reading and believe it is one of life's best gifts...others don't and they do fine without it.

It's all horses for courses...

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Just because you didn't have that appreciation, it doesn't make you any worse than anyone else, but I think it might have caused some resentment to cause you to misinterpret what was written.

I just feel like I am the only person in the country sometimes though and you are meant to just 'know' things. You have never really lived unless you were out rocking every single night during your teens etc etc.

 

[NotthatJasonKenny]

Finally, if you stop her now she may resent you and in the fine words of en vogue..if you lock it, you lose it.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I saw a bit of film of Basil Fawlty doing that once.

Funnily enough me and the lad watched that on Youtube just 2 hours ago!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yes, one thing I have learned is that the more you try to prohibit, the more they will try.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I for the record have started listening to things now I have i - tunes, but I most certainly do not see it as being a necessity.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Boom boom!

 

[Norm]

I just feel like I am the only person in the country sometimes though and you are meant to just 'know' things. You have never really lived unless you were out rocking every single night during your teens.

I'd have it playing in the house and at work 24/7, I'd only turn it off when cycling or on the motorbike, but this isn't the thread or the place to develop that theme!

Mrs Norm hates music (to the extent that she listens to opera! ), which she picked up from her father. Her mother, though, has a broad taste, possibly because of her American upbringing.

My son used to hate it (to the extent that he is a drummer! ) but he started to develop his own taste about a year ago and is now seldom unplugged from itunes.

My daughter loves pop and always has and would spend her day watching MTV, VH1 etc.

My point is that, amongst the 4 in my house, we had 2 at each extreme although one has switched camp. There's no shame, no sadness and no derogatory comments about each others preferences, though, as it's all just personal stuff and opinions.

Musical taste is like a penis. It's fine to have one, it's fine to be proud of it but don't wave it around as if you are the only person to have one and don't thrust it into people's faces.

Justin Bieber still doesn't count as music, though.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Musical taste is like a penis. It's fine to have one, it's fine to be proud of it but don't wave it around as if you are the only person to have one and don't thrust it into people's faces.

Possible future signature line there!