I've peed next to Billy Bragg and I was disappointed he didn't make the really noisy Essex splash you'd expect from him. I've also sunbathed with a tellytubby called Po on a lakeside beach in the Massif Central. Only one of these statements is true.
EDIT: You should have told him that due to the cuts the media can now only afford one Oliver. So it's between Jamie Oliver or Neil Oliver to be settled in a televised duel to the death. As long as Neil doesn't choose to duel with kitchen knives, I reckon the best man will win.