Looking after elderly parents

[biggs682]

There must be a few other cc' ers who have ageing parents that they help to look after one way or another .

Me and swmbo do a nightly visit to my parents for around an hour to do whatever simple jobs can be done ie household chores etc etc and some bigger jobs get left to the weekend visits that take place in daylight and last a bit longer.

We also undertake the transportation to and from for hospital visits and the like . Last night on the way back from Numpton general hospital after having his pacemaker battery replaced my father said we must sit down and work out what he owes us for all the running around and other bits we do for them .

My reply was don't be silly dad you have always been there for me and latterly for the pr of us plus he introduced me to cycling amongst other things .

Yes it can get frustrating at times but also very rewarding

 

[dan_bo]

There must be a few other cc' ers who have ageing parents that they help to look after one way or another .

Me and swmbo do a nightly visit to my parents for around an hour to do whatever simple jobs can be done ie household chores etc etc and some bigger jobs get left to the weekend visits that take place in daylight and last a bit longer.

We also undertake the transportation to and from for hospital visits and the like . Last night on the way back from Numpton general hospital after having his pacemaker battery replaced my father said we must sit down and work out what he owes us for all the running around and other bits we do for them .

My reply was don't be silly dad you have always been there for me and latterly for the pr of us plus he introduced me to cycling amongst other things .

Yes it can get frustrating at times but also very rewarding

Enjoy it as much as you can while you can. Not everyone gets (or sometimes wants for various reasons) the chance. It can be beautiful.

 

[biggs682]

Enjoy it as much as you can while you can. Not everyone gets (or sometimes wants for various reasons) the chance. It can be beautiful.

Very true @dan_bo

 

[dan_bo]

Never knew there was a Numpton. My new favourite low key insult.

 

[Jameshow]

Yes I regularly drive 600 miles round trip to visit my parents.

Hard work at times but rewarding!

 

[mistyoptic]

We get the same “let us give you some money for your petrol etc”. I think they want to feel they’re not beholden to anyone. Like you, never take it.

It’s important for the aged Ps to feel a measure of independence and I think offering monetary contributions is their way of asserting it. Trying to get them to accept that they need their money more than we do can be a challenge though

 

[Deleted member 1258]

We are the aged parents, we usually leave them to get on with their lives and would only expect help in an emergency, we usually see them on a Sunday morning.

 

[postman]

We have been doing it for around ten years or more,I have forgotten how long.It's been all housework,transport to hospital visits,short days out .All paperwork arranging work people to do more important jobs.Three days once a month,all this during my health problems.Funny thing is son and another son in law have been useless,totally invisible.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I went to visit both my parents today. They are no trouble to look after, seeing as one is 6ft under, the other one is in an urn.

 

[DCLane]

We're at this with both SWMBO's parents and mine.

My mum started palliative cancer treatment yesterday so I went and took my dad for lunch. He's not had anyone really to talk through her diagnosis and the implications with in the six weeks since she got it, mainly because she's always been there as well. I'm hoping we both found it helpful.

Normally I visit them every 4-8 weeks but I'm deliberately going every 2-3 weeks plus we have a weekly video call. They're not local so it's an all-day thing to visit.

SWMBO's parents are overseas but she's got power-of-attorney for my mother-in-law. My brother-in-law visits both weekly (she's in a specialist dementia home) but SWMBO can't get over to Northern Ireland as easily. Therefore whilst son no. 2 and I visited in May and June after his races there she's not visited for a while.

 

[Accy cyclist]

Seriously though, my dad died 21 years ago this coming Monday. I remember thinking when his terminal cancer was diagnosed that I would look after him, which would involve bathing and toileting. We never got that far as he died very quickly after being told it was terminal. I couldn't do those tasks for my mother though, even though I was a care assistant in a local authority home for 6 years. Thankfully my mum ended her days in a care home, so I avoided what would've been a very situation awkward for me. A bloke I know who's a former staff nurse, both medical and psychiatric, told me at the time when his mother was dying that he not only bathed her, but got in the bath with her to do it. I found that very odd and still do!!🤔

 

[I like Skol]

Have done this for my dad in later years before he died earlier this year. Bit difficult as he lived in South Wales while I am based near Manchester, but always an honour (if that's the right word) to drop everything and drive down if he needed me.
Sometimes simple stuff like fitting a louder doorbell etc but also sorting out finances, shopping around for utilities, arranging health care and the like. I think as you get older dealing with the fast changing modern world just gets away from you so you appreciate help from the younger generation?

One thing I would mention is Power of Attorney, both types, finances and health. I/we didn't need to use them in my father's case, but if your parent/s lose their mental capacity it gives you the right to some control over their financial and medical future rather than handing the whole show over to the local authority who may or may not give your parents the care you agree with or spend any of their wealth appropriately. Read up on it!

I would do anything for my parents, they were always there for me in my stupid youth.

 

[DCLane]

One thing I would mention is Power of Attorney, both types, finances and health. I/we didn't need to use them in my father's case, but if your parent/s lose their mental capacity it gives you the right to some control over their financial and medical future rather than handing the whole show over to the local authority who may or may not give your parents the care you agree with or spend any of their wealth appropriately. Read up on it!

100% agree with getting Power of Attorney sorted out - both for health and finance in the UK.

My mother-in-law didn't do it and it took two years to get it sorted out, using solicitors, courts and having to engage external medical specialists despite her already being placed in a dementia care home by NHS professionals. Two years of stress and hassle could have been easily avoided.

We've done both with my parents and it just seems easier - for both them and myself. I know what they want me to do on their behalf, which makes decision-making much simpler.

 

[wiggydiggy]

Another advocate of POA here, I hold all three types (Property, Financial and Health). I've used it relatively few times really but it's good to have it.

It's does differ from company to company how they deal with it, some want me to send them pictures of the docs, some want copies and one place just took my word for it and registered me on the account🤔

 

[I like Skol]

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

Two LPA types in England & Wales, might be different for Scotland and N.I?

You can register them yourself, it isn't massively complicated, you just need to pay the fees and get appropriate signatories/witness's.

The health and welfare LPA is perhaps the most daunting one to fulfil if it becomes needed (although you can always step back and leave decisions to medical professionals if it is too much for you).

The financial LPA is just handy for allowing you to act on their behalf even when they are still of sound mind, it essentially makes you an authorised agent on their behalf so you can place contracts, access funds, pay bills etc without needing their signature or presence. However, it does not protect you from action if you mismanage their finances for personal gain, fraudulently or illegally.