Lycra malfunction

[handsome joe]

Has anyone had a tear in their Lycra around an inappropriate place? I returned home last night looking forward to a nice meal with my in-laws. Came bounding into the house to say hello to the guests. Stopped dead by Wife's bulging, terror struck eyes staring at my Crotch. I couldn’t help but look down. There sticking out like a flabby Walnut was part of my Testicles. Luckily i managed to twist my body like a contemporary dancer to hide offending area and remove myself from public gaze.

On closer inspection my Lycra had malfunctioned and i had a small hole over my crutch! Does cycling numb sensation in this area. Because (no, i am not an exhibitionist) i didn't feel any change beforehand as a warning.

Thank God my in-laws didn't see as, for some reason, i left my underpants down the side of their sofa last Christmas. That was hard enough explaining away.

 

[Jake]

rofl

 

[djb1971]

I took a tumble once and had to ride 30 miles home with one cheek hanging out

Got some strange looks and waves from women..........

and men

 

[ChrisKH]

Yes, I can see it now. Ma and Pa in bed that night:-

Pa: Wasn't dinner nice tonight?

Ma: Yes, but did you see the size of his nuts? Don't get many of those to the pound.

 

[fossyant]

I took a tumble once and had to ride 30 miles home with one cheek hanging out

Same here - a rather large patch covered in road rash and blood - looked well 'ard !

 

[swee'pea99]

Thank God my in-laws didn't see as, for some reason, i left my underpants down the side of their sofa last Christmas. That was hard enough explaining away.

"They um....they, they must have ..er.....fallen off!"

 

[simon_brooke]

Same here - a rather large patch covered in road rash and blood - looked well 'ard !

At the Girvan race this year one of the riders managed to get a thread from his shorts caught in his back wheel. He couldn't stop because he was in a break and close to the finish. Cue remarkably rapid unstitching of the shorts!

 

[djb1971]

Same here - a rather large patch covered in road rash and blood - looked well 'ard !

we northern types are hard with or without the bits hanging out, we can handle a minor flesh wound

 

[house_trained]

"flabby walnut"...Hahaha, I'll have to remember that one

 

[fossyant]

we northern types are hard with or without the bits hanging out, we can handle a minor flesh wound

We are....grrrrrr, that was until I got in the shower......flippin crying with the pain....... the 6 inch square patch weeped green gunge for a week or two.... - PS Off to the pub I went that night to show it off, only thing is, I had the shame of having to wear trackie bottoms..... jeans hurt too much......

 

[HJ]

 

[Panter]

No lycra malfunction as yet, but thanks for sharing

 

[yenrod]

I once ripped my shorts in a race years back...and i thought people where cheering me !

 

[jig-sore]

Stopped dead by Wife's bulging, terror struck eyes staring at my Crotch.

my wife does that all the time when i have my shorts on

 

[XmisterIS]

Once, several years ago, I was cycling along in a pair of football shorts without a liner.

I pulled up at a set of lights, glanced to my right and noticed a car full of teenage girls looking at me and laughing hysterically.

I looked down and realised that my shorts had ridden right up into the crack of my arse and there, sitting on my leg like two boiled eggs in a sock, was my Happy Sack.

I went home to change my shorts. Immediately.