Not happy

Status
Not open for further replies.
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.

WeeE

New Member
OOps. I took so long to vent I didn't realise she'd contacted you. Just don't respond. Try to get a female of your own family or friends to go along with you to the presentation. DO NOT be alone with theis woman.

The fact that she is obviously troubled is a pity - but you can't fix it. Don't get drawn in. Tell a female of your own friends or family - if possible, not connected with the underwaterbasketweaving world. Let them see the texts. But have as little contact as you can. Talk about your wife/girlfriend as much as possible.
 

Cubist

Still wavin'
Location
Ovver 'thill
Sheesh, I reckon WeeE has about said all that is necessary.

Anon, one practical word of advice. If she has started texting and calling, you need somehow to tell her that you would like her to stop. Ignoring it won't help, and it already sounds like she has started to harrass you. She needs to understand that this is causing harrassment, alarm or distress to you. Either the local cops will tell her for you, or you can tell her yourself, making a note of the time and date that you told her. A text is ideal because it can be saved as evidence that she is aware of the effects of her continuing code of conduct.

Best of luck with all of this. Be human with her, she sounds very troubled, but be very careful of all future conduct.
 

WeeE

New Member
Posting Anon said:
I am now getting concerned that:
a. The assult may be a ruse to get me there (though it could be genuine).
b. She may become a nightmare stalker.
OK, one last thing: trust your instincts.
If you can't get a female companion (or someone very out-and-exclusively-gay) to go along with you, is it possible to have a car "breakdown" that'll oblige her to make other travel arrangements to the presentation?

Also beware of her having a convenient breakdown. Make sure you HAVE to "shoot off early" - without prior notice.

If you can not be around much enough in the near future, you may be surprised how quickly she gloms onto someone else.
 
OP
OP
P

Posting Anon

New Member
The calls and texts are just nice little 'thank you for last night see you soon' types of messages but ordinarily if you call and leave an message like that on the answerphone you don't then phone again a few minutes late and reinforce it and then text to say it again.

The last person I knew who did that also used a delivery notice on the text to find out if the person was unable to answer or was simply ignoring them. By reading the text it may well have let her know that I am able to take calls and text and that I am not replying to her.

Oh well, at least then she will know that I am ignoring her.

I'm not going to report to the police at this time as it could just be seen as resonable contact at this stage. i will just log it for now. If it was to, say, continue all night then that would be different.

I will go to the 'class' tomorrow and be there early if she calls about a lift then the organiser said she will deal with it for me.

Edit to add I am on my own so no partner to worry about this.
 

rich p

ridiculous old lush
Location
Brighton
Can't you just tell her that her behaviour is inappropriate and you don't want to have any more contact with her, instead of all this convoluted palaver?

Just a thought.
 

WeeE

New Member
Gavin de Becker wrote an excellent bookj called "The Gift Of Fear". Among other things it deals with stalking.

He explains very, very well that for every once that you communicate back, you will get six more messages pestering you. The suggestion that you text her with a polite brush-off is a good one - I'm just saying you should be prepared for - and be prepared to permanently ignore - six at the very least.

Remember, you will have to make the decision to ignore every single text message or call that you get from her from now on. Absolutely any response after your first "no" will be taken as encouragement, no matter how what its content. (The medium IS the message; negative attention is still attention.) It's good that you contacted head basket weaver.

And don't worry about it: it really is a case of least said soonest mended. The hardest thing is to just not respond. No matter how you gnash your teeth or tear your hair - make a commitment to yourself of nonresponsiveness. Be prepared for an ambush of needing-helped (seems she's pegged you as a softie!) and stand firm. On the plus side, you learn a helluva lot about human nature from this: there's a small minority of people everywhere who are like this, and they cause psychological and social mayhem everywhere they go. In the end, they are their own worst enemies: they scheme and lie and betray trust routinely, and this of course means that they can never trust or truly be friends with anyone. They're lonely people - but that is for them to deal with, not you.

Meantime, every time your phone goes (set it to silent; or block her number) congratulate yourself on your canny instincts. You'll spot the next con-artist at a distance, believe me!

And next time you ride your bike, think of how amazingly uncommon these people are (one or two in a hundred, fewer still as extreme as this one) and how genuinely good-hearted most people are most of the time. :blush:
 

Night Train

Maker of Things
Having had some previous experience of this ignoring the calls is the accepted method as even calling or texting back to say 'stop it' is taken by the harrasser as opening a line of communication. So saying 'stop it' will lead to 'But why? What have I done?' sots of responses.

The ignoring method shows a clear indication that no further communication is wanted much earlier on and is not ambiguous. It also shows that the calls and texts are instigated only by one party involved and it then could not be said that the other party may be inviting it through an ambiguous, or otherwise, response.
 

WeeE

New Member
What Night Train said - absolutely!
 
Posting Anon said:
I'm not going to report to the police at this time as it could just be seen as resonable contact at this stage. i will just log it for now. If it was to, say, continue all night then that would be different.

That worries me. I may be over cautious, but I would want my concerns about this woman noted somewhere official, just so that if she does do anything unpleasant in future, then there is a history on record which will back your side of the situation up.

I'm sorry that your kindness has got you into this situation. Deeply unfair.

As others have said, be careful, be humane, and get away from her as fast as possible.

Good luck.
 

Night Train

Maker of Things
Fnaar said:
Posting Anon shouldn't be inconvenienced by summat he didn't start... just ignore the calls.
Seconded.

If you let her dictate how and when you use your phone then you will be turning it off more often for fear of on going calls. She is then in control of one aspect of your life.
Ignore the calls but use the phone as you would otherwise.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom