Opening lines

[Andy_R]

Just had a random thought while out walking the dog........opening lines for a novel, along the lines of "what you wouldn't expect to read upon opening a book". My starter is this:


Jenny lifted her skirt and pulled her knickers to one side.

"Where the hell are my socks?" she grumbled as she rummaged through the laundry basket.

 

[ArDee]

"I wasn't there when I was murdered."

 

[PBancroft]

He was a dark and stormy knight...

 

[PBancroft]

He was a dark and stormy knight...

Oh, wait, Snoopy already beat me to that one.

 

[Angelfishsolo]

I remember my funeral well.

 

[aberal]

He gazed upon the corpse of someone unknown, his mind distracted by the delicious aroma of not yet burnt gravy.


Now that has to be a crime novel....

 

[ASC1951]

"It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me."
Anthony Burgess.


There is a list of these somewhere.

 

[swee'pea99]

He was a dark and stormy knight...

You bring to mind number seven in the Top 15 terrible opening lines to romantic novels:

"It was a dark and horny night..."


Narrowly beaten by

6."Gentle cascades of vermilion poured over Daphne's heaving, lily-white bosom. 'Call 911, Scooby,' she breathed."

and


5."His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion."

Number one is a worthy winner:

"Omaha Beach, 0800 Hours: reinforcements from 2nd Panzer Korps arrive, their well-muscled young torsos glistening with man-dew."

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

'I'll always remember the day my Grandma Exploded'

Or something to that effect anyway.

 

[Fnaar]

Jenny lifted her skirt and pulled her knickers to one side.

"Where the hell are my socks?" she grumbled as she rummaged through the laundry basket.

How about:

"Big breaths" said the doctor.
"Yeth, and they're thtill quite pert" lisped Dorothy.

 

[twobiker]

The End.

 

[Yellow Fang]

Captain Oleg Kinskladze was not looking forward to his court martial. He could only see one outcome.

 

[Archie_tect]

"Given Rodney recgnised his mother on her return from Paris, it was odd that she died a virgin...."

 

[Silver Fox]

" Hi, I've been looking at you from across the room, you look like a very interesting lady, what's your name. Anyway, that's enough about you, lets talk about me "

 

[twobiker]

"No dear, I am not getting fresh with you, you are sat on the tv remote" said Gerald.