parenting dilemma…

[alecstilleyedye]

alecetcette plays football for the local girls' under 12s side. she's not one of the more experienced players and is, imo, still learning the game.

anyway, today they had two matches, a 5-2 win and a 1-1 draw. she came on in the second half of the first game but did not play at all in the second.

she was disappointed, the coach apologised for not putting her on, and i explained to her that, at 1-1, the coach was right not to put inexperienced players on just to be 'fair'. she grumbled but i think she understands…

anyway, have i done the right thing? i could have behaved like an arse and demanded of the (female, 21 year old) coach that she played her, what with it costing whatever it is a year, we've driven all this way for 5 minutes' football…

what would you have done?

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

alecetcette plays football for the local girls' under 12s side. she's not one of the more experienced players and is, imo, still learning the game.

anyway, today they had two matches, a 5-2 win and a 1-1 draw. she came on in the second half of the first game but did not play at all in the second.

she was disappointed, the coach apologised for not putting her on, and i explained to her that, at 1-1, the coach was right not to put inexperienced players on just to be 'fair'. she grumbled but i think she understands…

anyway, have i done the right thing? i could have behaved like an arse and demanded of the (female, 21 year old) coach that she played her, what with it costing whatever it is a year, we've driven all this way for 5 minutes' football…

what would you have done?

Let the coach make the decision. If kids learn that team selection is based on parental influence/fuss made, then that's a very bad thing.

 

[Crackle]

Tricky. She's at he age where she's got to start to learn about selection but 5 minutes in a two game tournament is a bit crap unless the coach has said up front that that may be the case.

I remember going to an all day tournament and my son played less than a few minutes, that was age 9. At the end of the game I said little but made my displeasure at sitting there all day evident. I then rang him the next day and told him everything that was going through my mind. Reason: I think it needed to be said but I didn't want to do it in public as these guys are volunteers and he was basically a decent bloke if a bit misguided. Anyway it did affect our relationship after that, there was always some awkwardness.

Example 2 son no.2 played for an under 8's side and the coach took it far too seriously. For him it was 'all' about winning. Anyway quite a number of parents confronted him after a match about his approach. It had no effect but we needn't have bothered. Some weeks later, so wound up was he about the game that a parent's comment to him sent him over the edge and he punched them. Adios coach. I heard recently he went on to coach another team and did the same thing there.

Neither of my two play football now.

 

[purplemoon]

Absolutely you did the right thing, the coach has to make whatever decisions he/she sees fit at the time and players need to acknowledge that they won't always play every match and for the whole game if they do.

It's early in the season yet and possibly new players signed up so no doubt the teams strengths and weaknesses are still being assessed which means numerous subs until the coach/manager gets to know which combinations of players work best.

It's great that your daughter is so enthusiastic and wants to play but she will need to be a little more patient and work hard in training then it won't be long before she's spending more time on the pitch than off it

My youngest plays for both U16 and U18 and we're also in the process of setting up a girls team which he will manage and coach ready for inclusion in the league next season.

 

[gavintc]

Pushy parents doing the coach's job are a pain. The coach needs support for her decisions which will not always be correct but she is the coach. The best you can do is to give your daughter morale support and help her.

 

[Aperitif]

I agree wholeheartedly with Patrick.
Slightly OT -Crock - which rugby club do you frequent with your boys?

 

[alecstilleyedye]

Oh dear. She'll be pregnant at 15 now. And it'll be your fault.

that's an accusation and a half

 

[Noodley]

She's a girl, she should be at home learning to sew and cook and stuff...

 

[domtyler]

Get her to put a bogey in the coaches shoe next time she gets left in the changing rooms. It won't help her get selected but it will make her feel 'oh so much better'!

 

[Crackle]

Don't be a wuss Alecs. You know you're peed off, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. Most of these coaches know no more than you and pushy is exactly what you need to be. It's your daughter you're concerned about, never mind anyone else.

/domtyler

 

[Joe24]

If you want, i'll come over and chat this coach up

 

[domtyler]

Waffle waffle, mindless bollocks etc.
Waffle waffle, mindless bollocks etc.
Waffle waffle, mindless bollocks etc.
Waffle waffle, mindless bollocks etc.
Waffle waffle, mindless bollocks etc.

/Crackle

 

[Kovu]

If you want, i'll come over and chat this coach up

So the coach has to be a girl ... or Noodley?

 

[alecstilleyedye]

If you want, i'll come over and chat this coach up

you wait your turn, at least i've got her phone number…

 

[Joe24]

So the coach has to be a girl ... or Noodley?

Yes