XmisterIS
Purveyor of fine nonsense
<BEGIN RANT>
I had a BBQ the other night and invited a load of friends round, including on chap who is the fussiest eater I've ever met, and by God he is a whinger!!!!! If you offer him anything that is even remotely tasty, he'll pull a face and say, "I don't like <insert food here>", in a whiney voice.
So far, I have accommodated his need for the flavourless and bland, but the other night was the final straw! I had made some burgers with mincemeat from the local butcher; full of herbs and spices, the kind of burger that comes off the BBQ an inch thick and is juicy and gorgeous. I'd made two for Mr Whiney that deliberately had no salt, no pepper, no spices, just the basic burger mix. I'd also deliberately bought him two white baps, because he won't eat anything other than plain white bread, while the rest of us had wholemeal seeded baps.
When he arrived, I got his burgers and baps out (snigger!) and he looked at them ... and then delivered the straw that broke the camel's back ... he pulled a face and said in a whiney voice, "I don't like burgers like that". I blinked at him, incredulously. "What do you like then?" He replied (while still pulling a face of disgust), "Well, I only ever get the frozen ones from ASDA and I like them with normal bread, not buns". I blinked at him again. "You mean the sh1tty cheap ones that are made with recycled cowshit and come out like little strips of rock hard shoe-leather after they've been cooked, and served with a slice of that godawful white bread that tastes like cardboard and is full of sugar and salt? You'd prefer that over good-quality, freshly made burgers that will actually put some nutrients into your body?" He shrugged and continued pulling a face.
I lost the plot. It was all I could do to contain myself and prevent myself from stoving in his pasty white pudgy face ... I said, "well I've got none of that here, sorry chap, but there's a shop up the road, you could nip up there and get whatever you want, if you like". So he sat and sulked for ten minutes, then said that he had a stomach ache, then that the BBQ smoke was making him feel unwell, then he said that he was tired and was going home. I politely feigned an expression of concern and told him it was a real shame that he felt unwell, but he left anyway, hey-ho, what a terrible loss.
Next time I invite him, I will tell him to bring his own food!
... and breathe ...
I needed to get that one out!
<END RANT>
I had a BBQ the other night and invited a load of friends round, including on chap who is the fussiest eater I've ever met, and by God he is a whinger!!!!! If you offer him anything that is even remotely tasty, he'll pull a face and say, "I don't like <insert food here>", in a whiney voice.
So far, I have accommodated his need for the flavourless and bland, but the other night was the final straw! I had made some burgers with mincemeat from the local butcher; full of herbs and spices, the kind of burger that comes off the BBQ an inch thick and is juicy and gorgeous. I'd made two for Mr Whiney that deliberately had no salt, no pepper, no spices, just the basic burger mix. I'd also deliberately bought him two white baps, because he won't eat anything other than plain white bread, while the rest of us had wholemeal seeded baps.
When he arrived, I got his burgers and baps out (snigger!) and he looked at them ... and then delivered the straw that broke the camel's back ... he pulled a face and said in a whiney voice, "I don't like burgers like that". I blinked at him, incredulously. "What do you like then?" He replied (while still pulling a face of disgust), "Well, I only ever get the frozen ones from ASDA and I like them with normal bread, not buns". I blinked at him again. "You mean the sh1tty cheap ones that are made with recycled cowshit and come out like little strips of rock hard shoe-leather after they've been cooked, and served with a slice of that godawful white bread that tastes like cardboard and is full of sugar and salt? You'd prefer that over good-quality, freshly made burgers that will actually put some nutrients into your body?" He shrugged and continued pulling a face.
I lost the plot. It was all I could do to contain myself and prevent myself from stoving in his pasty white pudgy face ... I said, "well I've got none of that here, sorry chap, but there's a shop up the road, you could nip up there and get whatever you want, if you like". So he sat and sulked for ten minutes, then said that he had a stomach ache, then that the BBQ smoke was making him feel unwell, then he said that he was tired and was going home. I politely feigned an expression of concern and told him it was a real shame that he felt unwell, but he left anyway, hey-ho, what a terrible loss.
Next time I invite him, I will tell him to bring his own food!
... and breathe ...
I needed to get that one out!
<END RANT>
