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Ponderings...

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Fab Foodie, 30 Jan 2008.

  1. Fab Foodie

    Fab Foodie hanging-on in quiet desperation ...

    Ponderings

    Here are a few things to think about that you probably have often wondered about. Some you may just need to ponder on a bit!!


    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

    If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

    Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
     
  2. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Location:
    Penarth, Wales
    I don't know about making me ponder but they made me smile quite a bit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  3. trio25

    trio25 Über Member

    Made me smile as well.
     
  4. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Location:
    York, UK
    Handling charge?

    Anyway, at current exchange rates, isn't 2 cents more like 1 penny anyway?
     
  5. Keith Oates

    Keith Oates Janner

    Location:
    Penarth, Wales
    You're right Arch, and I get paid in dollars:angry:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Scoosh

    Scoosh Velocouchiste Staff Member

    Location:
    Edinburgh
    If you are travelling at the speed of light, then you switch on your headlights - can anybody see you ?
     
  7. Ashtrayhead

    Ashtrayhead Über Member

    Location:
    Belvedere, Kent.
    Here's a few more.......................




    If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:

    "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

    His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement, and amusement.

    Here are some of his gems:

    1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

    2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

    3 - Half the people you know are below average.

    4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

    7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

    9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

    10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend,...but she left me before we met.

    12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

    13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

    14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

    15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

    18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

    19 - I intend to live forever.....so far, so good.

    20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

    22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

    24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

    25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

    26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

    27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

    29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

    30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

    31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

    32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

    33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

    34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
     
  8. Arch

    Arch Married to Night Train

    Location:
    York, UK
    Sorry, but that one is just the sort of cack you get in those "pass this to all your friends or no-one loves you" chain emails....
     
  9. Speicher

    Speicher Vice Admiral Staff Member

    Some one on my local Freecycle has said that they would like to get a lizard for their son. Protocol on Freecycle prohibits offering "livestock", but setting that aside, does anyone think this would be a fair swap?:angry:

    Some time ago, I saw a job advert for a Manager at the Bourton-on-the-Water Model village. The advert said that accomodation was included in the remuneration, but omitted to specify the size of the house.:angry:

    A local garage has a sign outside saying "Stop low prices for brake parts", are they short, of punctuation?????????
     
  10. red_tom

    red_tom New Member

    Location:
    East London
    You missed my favourite Steven Wright.

    "Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."