Pranks that you'd never have the guts to actually do?

[XmisterIS]

One I've heard, probably an urban myth, but I swear I laughed until I shat. I would never have the courage to do it though:

Press button for lift.

Wait ages.

Lift doors open *ding*.

Lift is packed.

Squeeze yourself right into the middle, while people tut at you.

Do the biggest, loudest, lengthiest, most disgustingly pungent fart you can muster. The kind that smells so bad it could cut through bank vaults.

Loudly announce, "Oh dear, I'm going home with my knickers in a bag".

Enjoy the luxury of an entirely empty lift.

 

[Archie_tect]

Secure one end of a big chain to something permanent and the other to the rear rear axle of the pride and joy of one particular rich moron and watch as he sets off out of the car park trying to break his own 0-60mph land speed record....

 

[Archie_tect]

American Graffiti.

Not seen it, would it work in practice as spectacularly as it does in my mind?

 

[downfader]

I went to get in the lift at work and some fat cow getting off let out the biggest fart I'd ever heard. It rumbled the place.

I took the stairs in the end. 6 flights.

Not sure its a practical joke, have lifted members of staff and dropped them in a full sink of cold water in the past.

 

[Melonfish]

Wear a high ranking naval uniform circa 1800's and wait in a busy elevator, greet everyone who gets on with a hearty handshake and ask them to call you 'Admiral'

 

[smokeysmoo]

American Graffiti.

or Gone in 60 Seconds.

 

[MontyVeda]

Turn up to the Georgian festival wearing a space suit.

 

[PBancroft]

Cellophaning a toilet seat.

 

[smokeysmoo]

Cellophane on a toilet seat.

Have done that one, it is funny

 

[downfader]

Cellophaning a toilet seat.

Did that as a lad. Then was forced to clean up their mess.

Some pratt at work thinks its funny to jam jay cloths down the toilets. I walked in on tuesday 2 weeks back and found a load of poo all over the floor as a result.

 

[Mr Phoebus]

When I was a teen I was sitting in my girlfriend's kitchen happily drinking her dad's whisky

when she sneaked up behind me with her mum's vibrator. She meant to have it buzzing and touch my ear to make me jump. Instead when she switched it on it jumped out of her hand landing on the floor which resulted in it having a large crack (Oo-er) running through it.

I had visions of her mum then using it and getting a large blood blister from it.

The GF was frantic, constantly saying her mum and dad will kill her when they find out. She begged me to go to town with it and visit the sex shops so I could get an identical replacement.

I finally agreed, not much choice really as she was so upset. I then had the shame of visiting three sex shops in the hope that they'd have the same model.

No luck, I broke the bad news to her and handed her the poorly vibrator.

The GF put it back at the back of her mum's drawer and as far as I know nothing was mentioned from her mum.

 

[Hover Fly]

Listen all day to brat trying to get his knacked, taxless and uninsured old Ford Fiesta to run right. Wait until he goes to pub at night. Go out with brazing torch and two lengths of steel flat-bar. Braze flat-bar onto doors and roof pillars. Next morning tell brat "I did it, what're you going to do about it?" I wouldn't dare do it (or at least the telling brat part) but a C&W wrestler of my acquaintance did.

 

[Cheddar George]

When I was a teen I was sitting in my girlfriend's kitchen happily drinking her dad's whisky

when she sneaked up behind me with her mum's vibrator. She meant to have it buzzing and touch my ear to make me jump. Instead when she switched it on it jumped out of her hand landing on the floor which resulted in it having a large crack (Oo-er) running through it.

I had visions of her mum then using it and getting a large blood blister from it.

The GF was frantic, constantly saying her mum and dad will kill her when they find out. She begged me to go to town with it and visit the sex shops so I could get an identical replacement.

I finally agreed, not much choice really as she was so upset. I then had the shame of visiting three sex shops in the hope that they'd have the same model.

No luck, I broke the bad news to her and handed her the poorly vibrator.

The GF put it back at the back of her mum's drawer and as far as I know nothing was mentioned from her mum.

Mr P, this could be the basis for one of the new yellow pages adverts.

 

[Mr Phoebus]

Mr P, this could be the basis for one of the new yellow pages adverts.

Very good.

 

[downfader]

When I was a teen I was sitting in my girlfriend's kitchen happily drinking her dad's whisky

when she sneaked up behind me with her mum's vibrator. She meant to have it buzzing and touch my ear to make me jump. Instead when she switched it on it jumped out of her hand landing on the floor which resulted in it having a large crack (Oo-er) running through it.

I had visions of her mum then using it and getting a large blood blister from it.

The GF was frantic, constantly saying her mum and dad will kill her when they find out. She begged me to go to town with it and visit the sex shops so I could get an identical replacement.

I finally agreed, not much choice really as she was so upset. I then had the shame of visiting three sex shops in the hope that they'd have the same model.

No luck, I broke the bad news to her and handed her the poorly vibrator.

The GF put it back at the back of her mum's drawer and as far as I know nothing was mentioned from her mum.

Not so sure I'd want to touch a family members member pleasuring device, let alone jam it in someone else's ear.

Have you tried Polly Filla? I hear Polly swears by it. Still, get her to read the first chapter of Marilyn Manson's Long Hard Road Out of Hell.