Prepare to repel boarders...

[ColinJ]

We had a couple of Mormon lads move into the flat next to us when I was a kid, and I remember Mum and Dad talking about how they'd be round all the time trying to convert us. Sure enough there came a knock at the door, and there were this pair, and one of them asked in a very polite American accent:

"Do you have a cheese grater we cold borrow?".

We did, and they went away and never bothered us again...

Didn't they bring the cheese grater back?

When I was a student in Manchester, I had a Scientologist living in the flat above. I got very annoyed with him when he left his bath running and it overflowed and cascaded through my ceiling, then through my floor to the shop below.

Anyone can make a mistake, but when I ran up the stairs and knocked on his door, he refused to acknowledge me! (I could hear him moving around.) In the end, I gave him a 30 second countdown to open the door or I would kick it in. He opened it with 2 seconds to go! I told him that his bath was overflowing and he slammed the door in my face without saying a word, the dozy pillock ...

I went down to the shop and apologised for the water through their ceiling, and explained what had happened. They said that he had done the same thing twice, the year before I moved in!

All that is just a way of saying that his intelligence did not impress me. Some of his Scientology mags were put through my letterbox instead of his. I had a quick look at them before taking them upstairs - what a load of old tosh! There was one time when they reported on the grand launch of L. Ron Hubbard's new luxury yacht. Apparently, followers who donated so many hundred pounds a year would have their names recorded in the ship's log. A few thousand, and your name would be engraved on a small brass plate which would be screwed to a wall somewhere on the vessel. A donation of £25,000 or more would get you a short ocean cruise when LRH was elsewhere - bargain!

As for the E-meters ...

 

[Andy_R]

Me and Mrs R are both "left footers" or Catholics (albeit non practising). As soon as the JWs turn up, we both ask them about how they feel about joining the original Christian Church. We also have fond memories of a group of American Mormons trying to get Gozitan Catholics to convert......

BTW, if you've never been to Gozo, they have more churches than villages! (But also, they don't force religion on you!!)

 

[albion]

A while I had a couple call doing their duty as they are ordered to do.
I accepted the watch tower and said they were very brace for being out in the horrible cold windy weather.

Both women lightened up, smiled, said it was one of the worst weather days before heading off.
They all must be either stressed or bored to tears with the rigmarole of 'the system'.

 

[stowie]

We had JW around today. My 4 year old answered the door and I assumed it was my sister in law who was due around at that time so didn't bother checking until - some time later - I heard the door shut and my daughter came up the stairs to say that some people had asked worriedly whether she was alone in the house. She says she said "Daddy was upstairs", but one can never tell what a four year old will come up with. I await the call from social services..

My wife is Brazilian and finds it somewhat difficult to be abrupt with JW - who are unfailingly polite it has to be said. I said she had the ultimate get-out by speaking Portuguese and pretending to not understand English. She did this the next time they called, but unfortunately one of them originally came from Angola and she spent the next 20 minutes discussing the finer points of theology with him in Portuguese instead of English.

 

[stevede]

We get quite a few "god botherers" of all types calling on us.

Last lot, I tried to convert to vegetarianism, seemed to do the trick

 

[Globalti]

Many years ago when I lved in Laaandon I was taking evening classes in practical philosophy so I fancied myself as a bit of a thinker. When an African lady knocked at my door in Walthamstow and started talking about religion I was in the mood for an argument and I started giving her as good as she gave me. Within ten minutes here eyes had glazed over and she was looking for excuses to leave... but she took another ten minutes to get away because I kept bothering her.

 

[vernon]

Many years ago when I lved in Laaandon I was taking evening classes in practical philosophy so I fancied myself as a bit of a thinker. When an African lady knocked at my door in Walthamstow and started talking about religion I was in the mood for an argument and I started giving her as good as she gave me. Within ten minutes here eyes had glazed over and she was looking for excuses to leave... but she took another ten minutes to get away because I kept bothering her.

Couldn't you keep your hands to yourself and your lust bridled?

 

[smokeysmoo]

The ones that call around here clearly don't take notice of their environment as they wander round.

They still insist on knocking despite the blood doning sticker in my car window that they have to walk past to reach the door.

Funnily enough once I point it out they always leave.

 

[cd365]

I quite like it when the JWs come calling. No-one else will argue religion with me but I can usually keep them going for more than half an hour before they have to leave.

I do the same

 

[swansonj]

Q (from any of a number of varieties of missionary): can we tell you about the one true God?
A: no need, thanks, I worship her already each Sunday

 

[postman]

Poor Vernon.I saw them in them street but they failed to knock at number 23.I guess they must know we go to church.

 

[Primal Scream]

I just ask the God botherers of any type to prove god exists none of them ever can.

 

[ufkacbln]

I will happily argue the bible with JWs too. If I really cannot be bothered with them I tell them that I am a Roman Catholic and they leave. My neighbour - a Catholic - put me on to that argument.

My wife did that - pointing out that the original Creed states that Salvation is only availabl through teh Catholic Church, and that in turn requires belief in the Trinity..... something that is anathema to the JWs

 

[vernon]

Poor Vernon.I saw them in them street but they failed to knock at number 23.I guess they must know we go to church.

Don't feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for them. I'm not a pretty sight at the best of times but me barely in my bib shorts is a sight that would startle police horses and make timid women faint.

 

[classic33]

I don't know why I'm laughing - I just looked up the NHS advice about Warfarin and alcohol ...

My policy had been to stay off booze until I was healthy and wealthy (enough) and then perhaps allow myself 2 non-consecutive beer-drinking nights a week, and a maximum of 4 strongish pints or maybe 5 weaker ones on those nights. The Warfarin rule seems to be 1 strong pint, 1.5 weak pints a day. I think I'd rather do without than get the taste for it and then immediately have to stop!

I think you'll find you get drunk a bit easier/quicker. Hence the lower drinking limit. Warfarin thinning the blood.