Racially Inferior

[frog]

My son is going out with a really nice girl. They get on great and they make a wonderful couple. However, her parents don’t like my lad. Her mum and dad arranged a marriage for her sister and want to do the same for her and my boy, being British, isn’t what they’re looking for.

The poor girl gets a very hard time from her parents and it’s not unusual for her to spend the first half hour or so, when they come to visit, in tears. At her last meeting with her parents they told her that my lad was ‘racially inferior’ and she should split up right now.

I was born with a ‘lazy eye’ which means my right eye wanders off on it’s own when it gets bored. I bear more a passing resemblance to Jack Elam on one hand and Lurch on the other. So from a ‘shallow end of the gene pool’ point of view I’d be among their worst nightmares. I’d just love to meet them so they can get a taste of what their grand children might look like. My son and wife are offended, but I just find it hilarious.

 

[trustysteed]

knock on their door one day as a surprise!

 

[Twenty Inch]

Whether the relationship survives or not, it's going to be really tough on both of them. That's without even thinking of honour crime. I hope things work out.

 

[walker]

if they live in England then expect them to go out with someone English. If they don't like it I'm sure they can find a one way ticket back home.

Racially inferior, that's made my blood boil

 

[domtyler]

if they live in England then expect them to go out with someone English. If they don't like it I'm sure they can find a one way ticket back home.

Racially inferior, that's made my blood boil

It hurts when the boot is on the other foot doesn't it?

 

[Danny]

if they live in England then expect them to go out with someone English. If they don't like it I'm sure they can find a one way ticket back home.

Their home is probably England anyway so I don't think this is a very helpful response.

Prejudice exists in all communities and social groups. A rich aristocrat probably wouldn't be too keen on his daughter marrying the son of a dustman, plenty of religious people object to their children marrying outside their faith, etc. etc.

Frog, if your son is really keen on this girl I think you should try meeting the parents, as the only way to break down prejudice is to actually get to know people. You could invite them round to tea or meet on a neutral venue (not a pub if they are Muslim!). If relations are really difficult you may need to see if you can enlist the support of a third party.

 

[domtyler]

Their home is probably England anyway so I don't think this is a very helpful response.

Prejudice exists in all communities and social groups. A rich aristocrat probably wouldn't be too keen on his daughter marrying the son of a dustman, plenty of religious people object to their children marrying outside their faith, etc. etc.

Frog, if your son is really keen on this girl I think you should try meeting the parents, as the only way to break down prejudice is to actually get to know people. You could invite them round to tea or meet on a neutral venue (not a pub if they are Muslim!). If relations are really difficult you may need to see if you can enlist the support of a third party.

Bit early to engage a contract killer isn't it?

 

[frog]

you should try meeting the parents,

We've tried. But to be honest I'm not sure as I actually want to. They have it in their heads that we are drunks living on a sink council estate who beat each other sensless on the odd occasion when sober. It's as if they don't want to meet so this comfy image of our unsuitability won't get broken. Silly really when you consider her mum is British and a retired head teacher, you'd think she be the last person to harbour any predujice. Her dad is from Serbia and has lived here for about 40 years. Given the problems that areas had you'd think he want a bit of peace and quite for his family.

Mrs frog and I both agree they should pack their bags and leave the area. She teaches and my boy's skills are very transferable and they both like Scotland so why not? If it all turns sour then at least they've tried.

One other item that came up from the last meeting was her parents told her they'd have to start telling relatives and friends the 'truth' about their relationship. In as much as the girl works with disabled children and they can be a bit physical so the bruses and scratches she picks up in her dialy work are in actual fact from her boyfriend rather than the children.

Thankfully, the girl has started to seek professional help so we'll see how that progresses.

 

[Arch]

Meet up, and try reverse psychology - bang on about how your son's too good for her, what with him going to be a doctor/astrophysicist/prime minister and all that...

Or perhaps not..

Seriously, it sounds like a tough one. I wonder if the other (I assume elder) daughter was a bit more compliant and they haven't got the hang of the idea that this girl wants to make her own choices. Probably the only way is for her and your son to tough it out, supporting each other. I don't know whether this is really the sort of situation where the girl might come to feel in danger for her choices, but if the parents see that by opposing all they will do is lose a daughter, they might come round. You say the come to visit, so I guess she's not living at home? In which case she has the change to sever or at least stretch her links with them? Sometimes people have to leave family behind, if the family are damaging. You're probably right not to let it get to you too much - that way, their attitude sours even more lives.

 

[Arch]

Having seen your latest post frog, it sounds as if the racially inferior bit is a front and they are just the biggest snobs out there...

The good thing is, the couple obviuously have a supportive base in you and your family. So yes, leaving her parents behind might be a good idea. Might even shock them into looking at their own attitudes...

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

One other item that came up from the last meeting was her parents told her they'd have to start telling relatives and friends the 'truth' about their relationship. In as much as the girl works with disabled children and they can be a bit physical so the bruses and scratches she picks up in her dialy work are in actual fact from her boyfriend rather than the children.

Thankfully, the girl has started to seek professional help so we'll see how that progresses.

I don't understand this.

 

[Arch]

I don't understand this.

How people can be so vile, or the actual story? As I read it, the parents are threatening to tell friends and relatives that the girl is being beaten up by the boy, when in fact she's getting bruises and scratches at work with the children..

 

[walker]

Their home is probably England anyway so I don't think this is a very helpful response.
.

Sorry I didn't make myself clear on this bit. What I meant was (and reading between the lines here) is that if they are saying English people as a race are inferior Then they are newly arrived people to the country to make such a statement.

 

[frog]

it sounds as if the racially inferior bit is a front and they are just the biggest snobs out there...

Agreed!

Which is why I found it so funny When you have to drag excuses like that out they you're pretty desperate.

Mrs frog texted the girl after she found out about the last meeting from our boy and said no matter what she's always welcome here, all she has to do is turn up on the doorstep and we'll take it from there. I might disparage her in the battle of the sexes posts but she's bloody marvelous in situations like this.

What worries my lad is he can't afford to be dragged off the the cop shop to answer even the most blantantly stupid accusations of beating his girl friend. His work exposes him to violence almost everyday so he's got bumps and scrapes that can only come from someone attacking you. On the other hand he doesn't want a reception of Serb bully boys waiting for him on his doorstep one night either to teach him the error of his ways.

What I can't understand is your kid has found someone to love and they're happy with them. Just what the hell else matters for Christ's sake? You should be grateful you offspring has bother to tell you and leave it at that.

 

[frog]

How people can be so vile, or the actual story? As I read it, the parents are threatening to tell friends and relatives that the girl is being beaten up by the boy, when in fact she's getting bruises and scratches at work with the children..

Correct!!

Where were you when my 'O' level English essays were being marked?