Thanks to some scumbags I've needed a new car for a while; their actions timed perfectly to make this a pretty difficult proposition.
For weeks I've been trawling the depressing parade of dubious local £500 sh*tters cycled through the usual bottom-feeder sales sites (FB marketplace, Gumtree, freeads,
ebay) and today saw a jap shopping trolley on Autotrader that looked half-decent; no pics but lowish mileage, two "lady" owners, reasonably priced and very local. The seller sounded genuine; flogging it for his daughter, very fourthcoming with information, well-spoken and in a nice middle class area. There was talk of low prices for a quick and hassle-free sale and it all looked very promising..
I spent all day researching the car in question and knocking up an inspection checklist. Earlier I chucked a pair of overalls and some monies in my rucksack and headed off to the seller's place on the CdF. By the time I'd got within 10ft of the car / before I'd even got off the bike my heart had sunk and my decision had already been made.. but just to be sure I thought I'd have a poke around..
What was described on the phone as "a bit of a bump on the front bumper that's caused a small split in the paint" actually translated into the plate and bumper caved in; cracking the paint off around the edge of the bumper to expose the original, different colour of the used replacement bumper beneath. A replacement bumper that had no doubt been fitted after whatever incident had cause the front lip of the bonnet to have been peeled back by about an inch on its leading edge and skewed on its hinges to the extent where you could have lost a small dog down the panel gap with the wing on the driver's side, while that on the passenger side was basically non-existant.
What was chirpily dismissed as "a bit of a bump on the rear bumper" actually transpired to be an impact on the driver's side sufficient to pop the leading edge of the bumper away from the bodywork and drive the (presumably shattered and now replaced) rear light cluster into the rear quarter so hard it split the paint on the corner of this panel.
Not mentioned at all was the fact that no single panel was free from significant battle damage; scrapes on all four corners, a comprehensive set of go-faster stripes down both doors and rear quarters on each side, a couple of wheel arches dinged or swaged near-flat... both rear aches were showing signs of rot, all tyres were mis-matched ditchfinders; both rears cracked, one gashed and one close to the wear markers..
Needless to say I didn't even bother opening the bonnet or starting the engine; tactfully making my excuses and leaving.
Thankfully I'm not anywhere near thick / blind / desperate enough to have considered parting with money for such a shed (and tbh I'd have had a hard time justifying half the asking price; since it looked in worse nick that one of the Minis from the end of The Italian Job).
The trip down there was integrated into a ride so I probably only wasted 20 minutes in the presence of the unscrupulous individual attempting to sell this poor abused little turd of a car; however otherwise I've pretty much devoted a day to researching the vehicle, on hold with my waste-of-space insurance company getting a quote / putting a policy change in place - wasted time I really resent. This, along with being treated as if my mental capacity is inferior to that of a root vegetable. Finally I'm angry at myself for treating the guy with civility despite his evident attempt to screw me; although I did tactfully "point out" many of these issues to him.
The "gentleman seller" had at least one more potential hapless buyer lined up after me, but two hours after I visited the ad's still up so finger's crossed nobody's been stupid enough to get sucked in by his little ploy. I hope his greed and dishonesty earn him many more wasted evenings.
