Dear Gentleman Cyclist,
I say old chap, you have really hit the spot with your wonderfully incisive post. It's about time that the common masses who sadly represent the majority on this once gentlemanly forum were re-educated in the aesthetics of cycling, which you and I clearly appreciate.
I do find the garishly-clad layabouts perfectly tiresome, especially during their frequent unnecessary incursions into the first class sections of the railway carriage whilst on their malodourous way to the lavatory. Good heavens, only the other day I had to ask my butler to iron my newspaper again after a particularly unpleasant encounter with the south end of a north bound lycra lout. Nearly spilled my Moet too.
May I venture so bold as to enquire the source of your moleskin caps? I have, for many years, been a loyal patron of one of the great names in Saville Street, but of late I have found insufficient space outside their establishment to park my own bicycle, and my protestations have met with limited response. My demand that my machine was personally attended to by the proprietor himself did not appear to be fully supported. How standards have fallen.
I had dinner at the Palace a few nights ago, (please forgive the name dropping, it is by no means intentional, but when one's social circles are elevated it is rather difficult to maintain an unassuming air) and I said, "Well Phil, have you decided where to place the bicycle garage?". He didn't really give an answer, more of his usual mumbling and face pulling. I did intend to press him further, but one of those blasted corgis chose the moment to noisily pass wind (I think it was the corgi), and the moment had passed. (Actually, I think that judging by the pong, rather more had been passed).
Anyway, I would not wish to detain you further from your business, but may I say how much I have enjoyed our little tete-a-tete, and by jove I hope you will take the trouble to communicate further.
Your new friend,
The Lord Sir Gerald Attrick-Tablelamp, CTC, BC, AA and RAC bar
