Selfish colleagues, and being undermined at work

[CanucksTraveller]

I'm angrier than a whacked box of wasps currently...

I have a close colleague that I work with - we're a team of 2 covering a large region for an American company.
To cut a long story short, we jointly look after operations in about 40 cities split fairly evenly between us. Being so closely aligned and dependent, we should be operating like brothers; We should have each other's backs, and we should be looking after each other. I certainly look out for him, I've helped him out for 4 years, and I cover his work for him a lot too; (He's quite "creative" with time off, he spends about a third of his life on the other side of the planet with his partner, and I cover his half of the region when he's away - But no problem, you do that for a close colleague).

Now, if I become aware of something developing in one of his cities (and I often do, it just works like that sometimes), then of course he's absolutely the first person I'm going to alert in those circumstances. Then he's got time to start to deal with it, and he can report it back to Head Office once he's had time to get his ducks in a row.

Something happened in one of my key locations earlier however, and the very first thing I know about it is when he's fired off an email to our mutual Director in the States, only putting me in CC. No advance heads up for me, no "are you aware of this yet".... just an email to the Director about something going on in one of my cities. So then of course the questions start coming back from the US, and I've not even had time to start researching the details of what's occurred. It put me in a really uncomfortable position.

This isn't the first time he's been this thoughtless. I'm always thoughtful of him and his circumstances, how things I do (like taking a few days off) might potentially affect him, but there never seems to be any of the same consideration coming back. Frankly he's selfish, at best. I convinced myself that on the latest showing, he might even potentially be seeking to undermine me. I hope not, I didn't have him down as that.
It's not like me to be confrontational, but I called him and I've gone absolutely ballistic at him, I told him how utterly thoughtless and self centred that was. I think it shocked him, he sounded really embarrassed....he's apologised and said that he won't do that again but we'll see.

Just a rant really, I needed to get it off my chest. But if you work with an ass-hat, feel free to share.

 

[T4tomo]

You've done the right thing. Hopefully it was just a careless moment by your colleague, but its good they know where they stand.

 

[Bonefish Blues]

You just recalibrated the relationship and taught your (presumably?) younger colleague an important career lesson, that's all

 

[DCLane]

His behaviour next time should show you; if he's attempting to undermine your position you won't be cc'd in.

 

[Dan77]

Sounds like a classic case of thinking that showing up others issues makes them look better. It most certainly doesn't.

I've had some horrible colleagues in the past. One in particular was really nasty. I think she saw me as competition for promotion, etc. as when I did get the inevitable promotion she told everyone, in front of me, that I'd stolen her job. I simply pointed out that if she actually did any work rather than trying to avoid it and stopped b**ching about people she may have got different results. I then got another promotion before she finally left having got nowhere even with 5 years more service at the company than I. She was the first to go straight to director level with anything she spotted. She was the nicest person ever to directors but horrible to others, especially me.

In the long run these types of people are their own worst enemies. I wouldn't be doing him any favours in future if I was you. Give him enough rope and let him hang himself with it.

 

[Donger]

Our place went to the dogs the moment they brought in a new system of annual reports with the onus on the job holder to write up their own reports. At about the same time the promotion criteria shifted from observations by senior managers to accepting claims of achievements made by job holders. They also cut back on training and started looking for people with a "can do attitude" rather than seeking out people who actually could do already. The result? Almost immediately, colleagues who I had known, liked and trusted for years started telling tales on each other, claiming all the credit for team achievements and rushing to have their annual reviews done first. That way all the achievements had already been claimed and their reports had already been signed off by the time some of the real workers got to speak to their bosses for the first time in months at their annual review. It was dog eat dog and it was becoming toxic. I had paid off my mortgage and only had a year and a half to go before collecting my work pension, so I just walked away. Two years of running on fumes, financially, but my savings covered that. Best thing I ever did.

 

[AndyRM]

I have worked with several ass-hats over the years, the worst of whom was homophobic.

I had used an image of two guys laughing together on the front of a leaflet for a marketing campaign, they were both wearing tuxedos so the implication they were marrying each other was vaguely implied but not explicit. But in her mind it was as she said,

"I'm not sure this is the sort of lifestyle we want to be promoting."

At the time she assumed I was straight, which is fine because that's how I present and I really don't care because it's nobodies business who I'm into, but unfortunately the Studio Manager involved is gay. She wasn't aware he was on the conference call about the campaign and he gave her both barrels, and then disciplinary proceedings started.

The Studio got into further trouble when one of the other designers kept making jokes about transgender people. He kept going with them until I eventually got sick of them, pointed out that my boyfriend is trans. I've never heard a silence like it.

 

[Drago]

When you are at work no one is your friend. No one.

 

[vickster]

I’ve worked with plenty of people I consider friends and indeed some of my best friends are ex colleagues.

I could count on one hand the number of people I’ve worked with over the last 20+ years whom I really struggled to engage with (and fewer I couldn‘t stand). This is probably just as well as the specialist part of the industry I work in is incredibly incestuous and I’d never burn my bridges! I’ve not struggled to get contracts since going freelance over 5 years ago

 

[Rusty Nails]

When you are at work no one is your friend. No one.

What a very sad working life you must have had. There have been many people I did not like or did not trust in my work, but also many people who were very generous and helpful, and my closest friends are still people I befriended in work up to 50 years ago.

I had a Zoom chat this morning with two old friends that I first met when I started work in computing in 1968.

 

[Drago]

A realistic one. I have never had a job with petty, childish office playground politics. Ive had jobs where if you Foxtrot up you die, not jobs dealing with inconsequential meaningless David Brent level rubbish.

When a Repulican gunman is taking pot shots at you there are no extra points for being chums, only for being competent.

While Canuck's scenario isn't tactical in nature the principle holds the same - you suddenly find out who your friends really are when they cease to be competent, and like drowning men they choose to stand on your shoulders as they gasp for air. Doesn't seem very friendly to me.

 

[gavgav]

When you are at work no one is your friend. No one.

Wow, you must have worked in some horrid places. Some of my best friends, were people I worked with, and still see a lot of even though we no longer work together.

 

[cougie uk]

When you are at work no one is your friend. No one.

Man that's bleak.

 

[Rusty Nails]

A realistic one. I have never had a job with petty, childish office playground politics. Ive had jobs where if you Foxtrot up you die, not jobs dealing with inconsequential meaningless David Brent level rubbish.

When a Repulican gunman is taking pot shots at you there are no extra points for being chums, only for being competent.

While Canuck's scenario isn't tactical in nature the principle holds the same - you suddenly find out who your friends really are when they cease to be competent, and like drowning men they choose to stand on your shoulders as they gasp for air. Doesn't seem very friendly to me.

As a fully signed up office working wimp who never wore any uniform other than the Cubs and Scouts I am in awe

You've never told us of this side of your life before.

 

[swee'pea99]

Suddenly came to mind for some reason...