Setting new standards in stupidity

[CopperBrompton]

In the days before EuroStar, I flew to Paris and back for business every Friday. As I lived in Walthamstow, this involved getting up at 4am to get round to Heathrow in time for the first flight of the day. I am not a morning person.

One time, I got there, had breakfast in the lounge, then wandered over to the gate just before boarding closed to be told I was at the wrong gate. Looked at the display: 0715 Paris CdG. All correct. Said "No, I'm not," and pointed to my boarding pass ... which said Amsterdam (AMS).

Yep, it was Thursday, not Friday - and this was a different (non-weekly) trip for a different client. Cue a mad dash to the correct gate (fortunately not far away) where they had closed the door but hadn't yet pushed back. Dispatcher knocked on the door and they opened it for me. Then just the walk of shame in front of the other passengers ...

 

[EltonFrog]

I absent mindedly took a Prednicare Steroid tablet that was meant for the cat the other day.

 

[Julia9054]

Drove to school to pick up the kids - I was on my way back from somewhere.
Walked home - as I usually did - with my two plus three of their friends. Panicked for a moment when my car wasn't on the drive and nearly phoned the police.
Realised, and had to troop all 5 kids back up to school to get the car past all the other Mums walking home and asking me why I was going in the wrong direction.

 

[marknotgeorge]

The nearest I've come is putting my keys in my pocket so I've a spare hand to search my pockets for my keys...

 

[ArDee]

My aunt came out of the supermarket, couldn't find her Escort in the carpark and reported it stolen only to later remember she had left it in a garage to get work done to it and had went to the supermarket in the car the garage had given her as a courtesy vehicle.

A friend woke up after a night out at his firms club and reported his car stolen to the police and the insurance company as it wasn’t in the drive.
After the 6 weeks, or whatever it is, the police closed the case as car not found and the insurance company sent him a cheque for the value of the car.
Just after he started to look round for a new car; he received a call from the firm’s security asking him when he was going to pick his car up, as it had been sitting in the firm’s club car park for 7 weeks.
That was when he remembered that he had driven to the club and as he was drinking had caught a taxi home.
That took a bit of explaining.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Wednesday last week. Sat down on a bench waiting at Leicester train station for a connection, I decided I was a bit hungry so went outside the station to get some food. 10 minute later I walk back on the platform, start to walk past the bench I was sat on and something catches my attention in the corner of my eye. I had left my umbrella by the side of the bench. Without a further thought i grabbed the umbrella and gave a smile to a women who was sat in the seat I was in and next to my umbrella.

Cue a loud gasp and a sigh from the women, then lots of tutting from her as she watched me walk off. She must have thought I had stolen it. I thought it more amusing not to enlighten her as clearly too dim to work it out for herself.

Cue me then leaving the brolly on the train I caught anyway.

She was probably just annoyed because she was about to nick it for herself!!

Drove to school to pick up the kids - I was on my way back from somewhere.
Walked home - as I usually did - with my two plus three of their friends. Panicked for a moment when my car wasn't on the drive and nearly phoned the police.
Realised, and had to troop all 5 kids back up to school to get the car past all the other Mums walking home and asking me why I was going in the wrong direction.

Just go back later when nobody is about to see.

The nearest I've come is putting my keys in my pocket so I've a spare hand to search my pockets for my keys...

My house keys live in my jacket pocket.

All very well......... Until I wear something else and forget......

A friend woke up after a night out at his firms club and reported his car stolen to the police and the insurance company as it wasn’t in the drive.
After the 6 weeks, or whatever it is, the police closed the case as car not found and the insurance company sent him a cheque for the value of the car.
Just after he started to look round for a new car; he received a call from the firm’s security asking him when he was going to pick his car up, as it had been sitting in the firm’s club car park for 7 weeks.
That was when he remembered that he had driven to the club and as he was drinking had caught a taxi home.
That took a bit of explaining.

A few hours, yes, but SEVEN weeks??!!

You sure it wasn't a fiddle by him??

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

As for leaving things, after I left a brand new jacket on a train once (a Seaford to Brighton service on an old 4 - CIG of all things), I have been a bit paranoid about having everything when I get off (I asked at Brighton but it was never found...... Allegedly).

I am the guy who will check everywhere, including the floor, under the seats and the overhead rack (optional and usually only if I was anywhere near it) before getting off, which then usually triggers the slightly irritating response from other travellers of

'Oh, have you lost something?'

NO!! I am trying NOT to loose something!!
It works because I have unintentionally found other people's things for them instead!

I will also make a mental note as to what I have and where everything is so that I have a list in my head for when I get off. I still check though.

Ever since getting the dogs however, if I am travelling without them then then I feel like I am missing something, even when I know fine well that they are at home or whatever (not that either Bruno or Cindy would have let me/would let me leave them anyway!!).
This feeling means that I never ever leave anything, as I am always sure I've left something.

I'll tell you, it has worked in various forms, usually when I have been blind drunk. It has always been a source of wonder to me that I have arrived home 99%* of the time still with everything, including the sorts of things that would usually get lost.


* - Except for the time I woke up with only half an iPad charger left. Strange.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

When I was a taxi driver/parcel delivery guy in rural Scotland years ago, I once pulled up outside this one house to drop off a parcel in my silver Vectra.
After I dropped the package off to Mrs Smith I skipped back down her short path and climbed into the silver car that was there. My key wouldn't fit. This dashboard layout looks unfamiliar. Where are the wee pile of parcels that were on the passenger seat? Why is Mrs Smith doubled up with laughter?

My taxi was parked behind. I'd got in her silver Nissan. Doh!

I wasn't a delivery driver, only an 18 year old girl and did the same with my mother's old ford escort Mkiii 1.6 ghia. Parked it up in a car park went off and did what was needed, came back and got into the first white ford escort that fitted the bill... key opened the door, engine started, drove away and got as far as the car park entrance when my brother (15 years old) and I simultaneously realised something was wrong... the car had the same interior, only it was not as clean, there was no fuel in the tank and one or two little other things were amiss, like no tissues and was tuned into the wrong radio station. I turned around, parked the car back in the same parking space, we both got out, locked up, walked 3 cars further down and tried again, only this time we checked the registration plate first! Needless to say the owner of the other car never knew, but there were one or two witness in the car park looking a touch baffled.

 

[User33236]

Last Saturday we were all set to leave early and drive over to Wales for an organised bike ride. I set off to get the keys for my car from their usual place but could not find them. We searched all over, my Mrs becoming increasingly annoyed as the time ticked on.

As a last resort I headed out to the car and noticed the LEDs weren't blinking or the doors so tried the handle. The door opened and there were my keys, sitting on the driver seat. They have been there since I'd last driven the car, a little over two weeks previously!

 

[luckyfox]

Apologised profusely to my friend for being ridiculously late to the gym. In an effort to make it up to her I did a speed change and jumped out into the communal changing room doing a tadaa Superman pose. The handsome man waiting to use my changing room found it highly amusing, she however had already gone to the pool...

 

[Ganymede]

Apologised profusely to my friend for being ridiculously late to the gym. In an effort to make it up to her I did a speed change and jumped out into the communal changing room doing a tadaa Superman pose. The handsome man waiting to use my changing room found it highly amusing, she however had already gone to the pool...

Sounds like a "meet cute" in a Hollywood romcom!

 

[w00hoo_kent]

Parked it up in a car park went off and did what was needed, came back and got into the first white ford escort that fitted the bill... key opened the door, engine started, drove away and got as far as the car park entrance when my brother (15 years old) and I simultaneously realised something was wrong.

Good old Ford, "You can have any key, providing it's this one".

 

[Cubist]

Good old Ford, "You can have any key, providing it's this one".

In those days you only needed a comb to open and start an Escort.

 

[tyred]

Good old Ford, "You can have any key, providing it's this one".

Years a go, a friend of my Dad's was in Dublin for a business meeting and arrived back at his car (MKIV Cortina Estate) and discovered he had lost his keys somewhere. While wondering what to do, he spotted a locksmith's shop a bit further up the street from where he had parked so went to see if they could help.

After a lot of "hmm, yeah, maybes" from the locksmith, the locksmith asked where the car was. he went over to the shop window and pointed out the car. The locksmith said "oh it's an old Ford, why didn't you say so?" and opened a drawer and handed out a key - "that'll work fine" he said. And it did.

 

[ArDee]

Years a go, a friend of my Dad's was in Dublin for a business meeting and arrived back at his car (MKIV Cortina Estate) and discovered he had lost his keys somewhere. While wondering what to do, he spotted a locksmith's shop a bit further up the street from where he had parked so went to see if they could help.

After a lot of "hmm, yeah, maybes" from the locksmith, the locksmith asked where the car was. he went over to the shop window and pointed out the car. The locksmith said "oh it's an old Ford, why didn't you say so?" and opened a drawer and handed out a key - "that'll work fine" he said. And it did.

I grew up in Kent, and some of the local people worked at Dagenham, I remember being told once that Ford only used to use 4 different keys, don't know how true that was.
Whilst I was at Uni, myself and a friend both had Hillman imps - both cars had the same key. We used to drive each other's car around the campus leaving them in different positions for the other to search and find.