Shiver me Timbers..........
- Thread starter ufkacbln
- Start date
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NorthernDave
Never used Über Member
- Location
- The real Northern Powerhouse
Shiver me timbers indeed...
Why are pirates so piratey? Because they Arrrrrr!
Why are pirates so piratey? Because they Arrrrrr!
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
Why are pirates?
MossCommuter
Guru
- Location
- Salford
Because they aarrgghh
Supersuperleeds
Legendary Member
- Location
- Leicester
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shoot!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shoot!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
- Location
- The TerrorVortex
Avast behind,me hearties!
Allegedly there were problems with the Somali Olympic team
They thought that shooting and sailing where the same event
Cheddar George
oober member
- Location
- Location: Location
What is a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet ?
Well you would think it would be R ............ but his first love has always been the C.
Well you would think it would be R ............ but his first love has always been the C.
wheresthetorch
Dreaming of Celeste
- Location
- West Sussex
There was a treasure ship on its way back to port. About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
in the breeze!
"Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate.
"First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt." The first mate did so.
Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to
fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled
without casualties.
A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops!
"Captain, captain, what should we do?"
"First mate, bring me my red shirt!"
The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many
casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration. The
first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.
"It's simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not
show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."
A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when
suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were
approaching!
"Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"
The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.
Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my
brown pants!"
Just to bore everyone I'll introduce a bit of culture.
I spend a lot of time in Cyprus and when there I sing karaoke in Greek, covering songs spanning the last century - everything from traditional, underground, folk, rock to pop. A song I've learned for my next trip is the old traditional one below which was inspired by a late 18th century piece of Greek literature called "The Merchants of Nations" which tells, inter alia, of love/loss and battles with pirates. The song itself relates a tale of a Queen on one of the Greek Islands who's lover sailed off to fight pirates in the Med.
In English the song would be called "Once Upon a Time" and my translation of the last line is "within a group of Pirates I saw fire alight and murder".
View: https://youtu.be/NX6a7sGzAyY
I spend a lot of time in Cyprus and when there I sing karaoke in Greek, covering songs spanning the last century - everything from traditional, underground, folk, rock to pop. A song I've learned for my next trip is the old traditional one below which was inspired by a late 18th century piece of Greek literature called "The Merchants of Nations" which tells, inter alia, of love/loss and battles with pirates. The song itself relates a tale of a Queen on one of the Greek Islands who's lover sailed off to fight pirates in the Med.
In English the song would be called "Once Upon a Time" and my translation of the last line is "within a group of Pirates I saw fire alight and murder".
View: https://youtu.be/NX6a7sGzAyY
Profpointy
Legendary Member
The pirates preparing for a raid. First Mate say to the Captain "The men be ready, Cap'n", "Arrrr", "sorry Cap'n, the men are ready".
(repeated from the jokes thread , not mine")
(repeated from the jokes thread , not mine")
