So, when a woman decides....

[Night Train]

So when a woman decides she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and then wants to stay friends on a 'lets still do stuff together (cinema, walks, etc) and see how it goes' what does she really mean?

We ended it today and we're now doing the 'friends' thing.

So anyway, that's what I have been moping about recently. At least after today's talk I think I know where I stand, I think.

 

[Mr Pig]

When a woman decides she doesn't want to be in a relationship but wants to stay friends, what does she really mean?

It means you're about to get used, confused and generally messed around. Sometimes it works ok, most of the time it's totally f*****! My advice, tell her to forget it. You'll see her around, talk to her at parties etc, but the best pal thing is never going to happen.

I don't know what the story is with them, I've had a few girlfriends who tried that on. However I am sure that men and women feel differently. For some women it is something they can genuinely do but it seems to drive most men up the wall! You want to watch her snogging some other bloke and smile at you as if you never knew her? Trust me, the sooner you get your head away from her the sooner you'll start feeling better again.

 

[Mr Pig]

Reading your post again it sounds familiar. At a guess I'd say she does not want to be without a guy but doesn't really want you. She's treading water until someone better turns up, then your history.

 

[Joe24]

Reading your post again it sounds familiar. At a guess I'd say she does not want to be without a guy but doesn't really want you. She's treading water until someone better turns up, then your history.

Im with Mrs pig here.

 

[Kovu]

Keep your distance ... maybe talk to her every so often, and maybe eventually you can do the friends thing (it does work), but just be careful at the moment.

 

[abchandler]

It usually means I'm feeling really guilty about ending this, and am trying to feel less guilty by saying we should stay friends. Best thing to do is get right away.

 

[Noodley]

I'm still friends with all my ex-partners as is Mrs Noodley with hers. It's over as a relationship, move on.

And do not listen to all those bitter inadequates.....

 

[Night Train]

If it is genuinely friends then I don't have a problem with her finding someone else. I stayed friends with my ex wife and also with my ex from a couple of years ago.

I'm not sure that she is treading water until someone else turns up, it feels more like treading water to see if things redevelop between us, sort of ending the relationship because it doesn't feel right now but hoping it might feel better later.

I'll do the 'friends' thing for now and see if she is capable of it. If she isn't then it won't be a loss.

 

[karen.488walker]

This happened to me and my other 1/2 when we were dating. It meant that he was too eager and claustrophobic and I needed some space to realise how much I
actually loved him. It could mean anything in your case, but be on your guard and look after yourself.

 

[Night Train]

This happened to me and my other 1/2 when we were dating. It meant that he was too eager and claustrophobic and I needed some space to realise how much I
actually loved him. It could mean anything in your case, but be on your guard and look after yourself.

We did get thrown together in a blind date and things got quite intense quite quickly. She progressed all the major steps quite rapidly and I just went with it on the basis I didn't mind.

I can cope with this as I just go with however fast or slow the flow is, erring towards slow and sure for myself.
I think she may have got in too fast, too deep and too soon and is backing out just as quickly.

 

[Noodley]

Were you mates from the start (well, the end, if you know what I mean)?

Most of my relationships were relationships from the off, some were friendships then relationships.....I'm still friends with most and only not with those who I have lost contact with.

 

[lanternerouge]

That's pretty hard to deal with NightTrain. If you are OK with her pace then that's fine, but look after yourself first - might be a good idea to put some distance between you/set some clear boundaries with her. Hope it all works out ok.

 

[Danny]

I'm still friends with all my ex-partners as is Mrs Noodley with hers. It's over as a relationship, move on.

Agreed with Noodley, it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you've had a relationship with.

However it could take time, and you might want to give yourself some space from her before trying to build a friendship (assuming you want a friendship).

 

[Kovu]

You'll be fine NT Just make sure you know exactly how she feels and all ...

Interestingly wonder what you guys would think if a man had decided to "just remain friends ..."

 

[Night Train]

You'll be fine NT Just make sure you know exactly how she feels and all ...

Interestingly wonder what you guys would think if a man had decided to "just remain friends ..."

Thanks Kovu.

From being on predominatly female forums, I've found that men offer to be friends after a relationship are generally shunned as the spawn of the devil by the women there.
I never 'offer' friendship, I just carry on being a friend and let her decide if she is wants to hang around long enough to see it happen.