So, when a woman decides....

[Chuffy]

Interestingly wonder what you guys would think if a man had decided to "just remain friends ..."

You get a barking mad goth drama queen/vengeful psycho-harpy on your case.

Of course I may just have had spectacularly bad judgement back in those days...

Yes, you can be friends afterwards, but that generally lasts for as long as it takes for one of you to find A.N Other. Sometimes you can still be friends despite that, but by now the chances are reducing greatly.

If it was a short-lived thing and you didn't know each other before it started then, being brutally realistic, if it's over then just say goodbye and walk away.

 

[Chuffy]

Thanks Kovu.

From being on predominatly female forums, I've found that men offer to be friends after a relationship are generally shunned as the spawn of the devil by the women there.
I never 'offer' friendship, I just carry on being a friend and let her decide if she is wants to hang around long enough to see it happen.

Yup. I genuinely thought that the ex Ms Chuffy and I would stay friends, that's what we both wanted, but as soon as I met A.N Other and she realised that she wasn't going to get me back, that was pretty much the end of it.

 

[Kovu]

Because guys are the spawn of satan and all that

 

[Noodley]

Seriously, just relax.

chill.

 

[montage]

Love ****s everything up. Best thing to do it to remove your heart using a crank puller and replace it with a dura ace cassette.

And never listen to Elton John while near razor blades.

 

[Jim_Noir]

Effe buddys is what the kids now-a-days call it... I'd avoid it, it's a clusterfook waiting to happen. But of course this is just my morbid view of the world

 

[tordis]

As far as I know, the "friends" thing never works out. It's too weird, because you still act like a couple, yet the girl can still do what she pleases with other guys. Needless to say, you might end up getting used, abused and confused. If you want to stay "friends", make it as casual as possible and avoid hand-holding, "friendly" kissing and "casual" sex.

 

[PaulB]

You know that big, big sea that's out there? Well it's full of fish. Chuck your net in. You'll be surprised at how many you have to throw back but some will be keepers.

 

[asterix]

Leave. Take ship for the colonies, make your fortune and return in years to come lean, tanned and wealthy. She'll be sorry..

On second thoughts 'the colonies' is the Falkland Islands, so maybe plan B.

 

[Andy in Sig]

Agreed with Noodley, it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you've had a relationship with.

However it could take time, and you might want to give yourself some space from her before trying to build a friendship (assuming you want a friendship).

Yes but only if both of you want no more than just friendship. I reckon NT should tell her she's been reading to many agony aunts in women's mags and so she can poke it.

 

[PaulB]

I reckon NT should tell her she's been reading to many agony aunts in women's mags and so she can poke it.

That's exactly what he should do. She wants to have her cake and eat it.

 

[Black Sheep]

depends, if, as night train has said, she's just found it a bit of an intense whirlwind and wants to slow things down a bit then thats ok, but he needs to find out from her if thats what she's doing

if she is thinking its over but is scared of not having the companionship then NT needs to encourage her to meet up with friends from before the relationship and spend time with them as he slowly exits stage left with fishing net in hand.

NT - meet up with her somewhere you didn't go on a date and talk things through until you know where you stand, your needing to find out which of the two she's wanting, if she's just a bit unsure and wants to slow things down (and your ok with it) then tell her so, she'll appreciate it, slow things down for a week and then be back to normal

 

[Joe24]

What are her best mates like?

 

[numbnuts]

take care of yourself and take one day at a time

 

[Arch]

Agreed with Noodley, it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you've had a relationship with.

However it could take time, and you might want to give yourself some space from her before trying to build a friendship (assuming you want a friendship).

Agreed.

I had a relationship (progessed from friendship) and when he ditched me I wanted to stay friend because he was my best friend, and I couldn't conceive of losing that as well as a boyfriend.

And we did stay friends, although it wasn't always easy and it was rather complicated because I didn't really want to let him go, and fought tooth and nail for him and got him back a few times. Most people probably think I was daft not to move on, but frankly, even if I had, the offers don't exactly flood in.

It all ended in tragedy, so make of that what you will. Mind you, I had 7 years of the best, closest friendship I've ever had, be it a bit turbulent at times.

Does that help? Probably not. I think there's nothing wrong with staying friends, if you keep your eyes open. Some people are capable of it, some aren't.