Sorry, Mate

[Luddite Joe]

I was reading an interview with John Cooper Clarke recently where he advised any budding poets to write about something they know, but in the style of someone they like.
So I thought I'd have a go in the style of the bard himself.

Sorry, Mate

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I didn’t even hear you scream
When I pulled straight out on the roundabout
You were nowhere to be seen.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I didn’t even hear you shout
What d’ya mean it’s your right of way?
I’m still pulling out.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I didn’t even hear you mutter
As I clipped your arse with my cracked wing mirror
And left you lying in the gutter.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I didn’t see your hi-vis top
A dotted white line across the road
Is hardly gonna make me stop.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
Ain’t you read the highway code?
You jump red lights and you don’t pay tax
They shouldn’t let you on the road.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I was too busy eating my crisps
To think about something trivial
Like flattening a cyclist.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
Aren’t you supposed to carry a bell?
So you can ding, ding, ding as you weave along
And you can dong, dong, dong as well.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
I was only trying to roll a fag
When I broke your brakes, and f****d your forks
And sacrificed your saddlebag.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
The motto of the white van driver
No tools in this van overnight
No f*****g road sense either.

Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you
It was a lapse in concentration
Now you’re under my front wheel
I’m under investigation.

But you’re not insured, I’m not impressed
By your lycra shorts and your Team Sky vest
I’ve heard it before, now give it a rest
Sorry, mate, I didn’t see you.

 

[Paulus]

Bravo, very good.

 

[welsh dragon]

Excellent. Well done

 

[shouldbeinbed]

I can't read it in his polysyllabic staccato style but it works and I can even hear it in his voice as one of his slower numbers.

excellent

 

[ScotiaLass]

 

[Diggs]

Love it! I can hear JCC as I read it.
When the Diglets were younger, I always found myself slipping into JCC style when reading books to them.

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

That is brilliant.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Poetry in motion

 

[Cycleops]

In the style of John Cooper Clarke. The stanza before the penultimate doesn't quite work but on the whole very good, top marks.

 

[Luddite Joe]

Thanks for all your comments.
Looks like I need to work on my pre-penultimate stanzas.

 

[Cycleops]

Sorry, I forgot to say I really enjoyed it!

 

[Octet]

Superb!

 

[Shut Up Legs]

Very nice . (Way too realistic, though: to be honest, I felt a bit stressed just reading it )
Have you considered emailing it to one of your newspapers? I think it deserves to be published.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Chapeau to you sir!

 

[Labradorofperception]

Applause. Cracking stuff

That is brilliant. Send it to him and see what he says.

Only polite to ask but can we share it with a few peeps?