Spam emails - are they getting funnier?

[Glow worm]

I have one email address that I only use when dealing with shops and the like and get a hell of a lot of spam. It's never been too much of a pain as it's a rarely used email address, but recently I have found myself reading some of them as they are getting to be so preposterous as to be quite amusing. In the past month, I have been told the FBI have an international arest (sic) warrant for my incarceration unless I send $100 IMMEDIATELY ($100 to keep me out of clink - seems good value to me). On the plus side, I must have almost $1bn by now waiting in various Nigerian accounts to be transferred to me. A Mellissa Lewis has today sent me this:

My name is Mrs. Mellisa Lewis am going on a cancer surgery today.contact my lawyer, Tell him that I have WILLED 14.258 M to you for the good work of the lord. quoting my personal reference number JJ/MMS/953/5015/GwrI/316us/uk. I have paid for the state tax on this money to be transferred to you.

Going 'on a cancer surgery today' FFS! Sounds like a day trip. And god only knows what this poor bar steward is on about:

Further, I discovered your details here in our central computer system, as I was going deeply payment files of numerous foreign beneficiary who have not yet receive their payment till date, so based on this fact, I decided to get in touch with you as a man of integrity who has god fearing in him.please I ask for no favour but want you to stop any further communication with your partners and If you must send me email, please use a different email address and get to me as soon as possible

Also, you are advised to revert back to me upon the reception of this note, in order to feed you with the additional step to take.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Janevski Zivko.

So keep it coming spammers - certainly providing some quality comedy!

 

[Globalti]

Nigerians, eh? They are all educated in the same Christain missionary tradition and they just can't shake off those phrases and expressions that give them away every time.

Going on a cancer surgery.
Foreign beneficiary
Please I ask for no favour
In order to feed you

and the old favourites:

I will not want you to worry
The transaction is risk free

Footnote: I've just seen off some Nigerian visitors after a two week stay. Last week I took them to the Dales and driving between Hawes and Ribblehead on empty roads my customer started fidgeting nervously then clearing his throat and gearing up for a big question. Then it came out: "Er.... are we likely to meet any armed robbers on this road?"

Bless 'em!

 

[Manonabike]

TBH, I wouldn't know, I never get to read them these days

 

[Deleted member 20519]

The sad thing is, some people actually for for this bs.

 

[Deleted member 1258]

I don't get much spam these days, which is a shame as some were most amusing. The last one was supposed to be from Santander and was saying they had detected unusual activity in my bank account and asked me to click a link to verify the account. I can see people falling for this one, but I didn't, I don't bank with them so chuckled at it then deleted it.

 

[ianrauk]

I don't get much spam these days, which is a shame as some were most amusing. The last one was supposed to be from Santander and was saying they had detected unusual activity in my bank account and asked me to click a link to verify the account. I can see people falling for this one, but I didn't, I don't bank with them so chuckled at it then deleted it.

Yup. The best thing to do with these links is not click on them and ignore.
However if you hover your cursor over the link, your browser will show you the actual web page the link will take you to.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Not spam, but have any of you seen the JML type advert for those vacuum bags yet?? You know, the ones where you store things in them, not Hoover bags?
The way the woman was speaking I thought I had accidentally switched the channel onto a comedy sketch show and was waiting for the laughter!

I can't remember what channel it was, but I'll try and find out.

 

[Nihal]

Who cares,its spam people,Specially Posted and Maintained(for nutters)

EDIT:-change that "for nutter" to "by nutters"

 

[Red Light]

http://www.419eater.com/ Enjoy!

 

[Nihal]

http://www.419eater.com/ Enjoy!

Wonder if thats a spam................................wait it isn't,sorry

 

[Dave7]

Who cares,its spam people,Specially Posted and Maintained(for nutters)

Hang on......are you seriously trying to tell me these people are not genuine and that I should not have given that nice man my bank details ? I must go online to check that account right now.

 

[smokeysmoo]

TBH, I wouldn't know, I never get to read them these days

+1 my spam filters work a treat and this sort of dross doesn't even get through to my machine.

 

[Nihal]

Hang on......are you seriously trying to tell me these people are not genuine and that I should not have given that nice man my bank details ? I must go online to check that account right now.

Not to panic you but.Arrrrrrrrrgh"rips hair from head"nooooooooooo....what have done,ruined you lfe,nooooo