Ok, let's start another story!
A bonny scots lass was seen legging it in Swansea, Which city, she hoped, would accept her unusual and exotic belly dancing classes.
Once upon a time there were three bears, Daddy, Mummy and a horney Bear Grylls, who didn't survive cubhood. Luckily Mummy Bear was already expecting a phone call, when suddenly the mobile in her basque vibrated so much that she experienced a 'porridge' moment, consisting of something warm and gloopy which felt even better than a banana daquiri which had an exploding umbrella and more rum than usual.
A bush by the M25 with a bag underneath containing several perilously placed "geocache" items from the cold war period was found by some 'muggles' who heard a song by Buggles who were searching for batteries.
They needed the batteries for their mothers special toy bringing her pleasure and joy.
Can basques be made so tight that the wearer's eyes began to bulge out on realization of the consequence of eating too much cheese that kept them awake at night?
Seconds before Moira realised her wonderbra was heavily overloaded with the milk of human kindness, Inspector von Konigsburg entered shouting, "Oi is that really a baby you're breastfeeding or is it a bald cyclist?"
"No it is a huge turd."
The abstract reply perplexed the Inspector, who concluded she had tourettes which thankfully the builders were busily avoiding whilst supposedly doing something useful: teaching fnaar to bloody count all the way to five: he just can't get it right despite a splendid state education.
He graduated from borstal with flying colours and a tattoo of the Dagenham Girl Pipers just above his left hip, but it wasn't the tattoo that caused his girlfriend to desire entering national tattoo licking championships. It was her free ticket to excuse her unshaven thicket and a sticky wicket just next to Botham's crease.
Meanwhile, reaction to Bonj's second purchase of a Pringle jumper caused his front mudguard to detach spontaneously, slicing off his chance of pleasing any woman who liked blancmange.
Had Hannibal had bicycles when alpine pastures beckoned, his climbing aspidistra would certainly have reached his wife's large unruly bush radio which was always blasting away at the dog. Wendy houses are often used for Cannabis factories with specially converted LED lights. Usually they try just a little bit harder to stir the dough without using a stick but sadly gnarled arthritic fingers get stuck in the letterbox of the house on the hill. However, human poo in children's playgrounds is a bad band name which reeks of Bad Manners.
Fnaar uses a calculator to work out problems caused by architects, generally.
"Oi", said the architect, disgruntledly. "I built that myself, from Russia with love- though no-one paid me my worth - nothing"; and then he flounced off towards Notting Hill market, where Hugh Grant was enjoying learning to count to five - or was it four? No it was five. "Tosser salad for lunch please" he whispered while holding a very expensive diamond studded Bassoon which was uncomforatable to hold with it rammed firmly into ones view: nevertheless, food acquired, he sprinkled liberally with Dave's Insanity and sneezed violently as the warm, moist, long hard thing manouevred into the tradesman's entrance where its wheels fell off to the sound of fleeing ball bearings.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Enrique has just told his dad Julio that he needs to find himself a very good excuse for not having done his homework on the subject of calculus following the chargehand's frontal lobotomy, and it was time to change the cat litter tray immediately into a toddler's sandpit.
In Rome, one can always jump on a vespa and ride the 'Pantheon Wall of Sound," a Phil Spector invention capable of 340dB when there's a moose on the loose aboot this hoose, whereas the rain in Spain falls mainly in Scotland. Hence the drought.
Finally, before any more talk of the inability to count properly, let's take a finger inventory by gently massaging the lower east side, manhattan on the offchance something interesting may arise with some comedy value, given half a chance and a brandy or a couple of fingers of Fudge which're just enough to build a model of Paddington if you melt them down.
Feluccas sailing down the Nile cannot be said to be remotely rude. Submarines, however, are long, hard and full of odd seamen who never seem to come quick enough shouting "eeh, Jack you're late!" so raising a moan from Mater Bates who wanted his docking procedure completed without assistance from tugs.
'Westward ho!' called the bosun, clipping the harbour wall with some rather nifty pinking shears - £3.99 from Homebase.
Meanwhile back in the USSR, you don't Roger the cabin boy without the aid of several shots of vodka and a big pan of stovies. Cloutie Dumpling, however, has been touring with the Oban WI FI hotspots becoming nearer it seems my Lord to Thee!
On the subject of Worship, raucous bells on Sunday are a Norwich retro funk outfit using only Le Creuset as percussion and tennis rackets as snow shoes, they can often be seen busking in tube stations hoping to be spotted by the train driver before he slips into his slingbacks and alights on platform 7, where he ploughs the field and scatters the good seed on the 6:25 to Newark, calling for the abolition of Cheap imported rubber from Malaysia where men are men, and women are men. Very manly men.
News just in reveals Gorbachev for Morris dancing and buggery and against small fluffy kittens, the kind you eat with gravy and minced hamster.
Meanwhile bonj has been found holding up the traffic in the Halifax remake of Gladiator where the finals of the knitting machine naked unicycling world championships have been cancelled due to lack of Fair Isle wool, and a spate of vandalized...
