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The Bright Side Of Life

Discussion in 'CycleChat Cafe' started by Elmer Fudd, 22 Nov 2007.

  1. Elmer Fudd

    Elmer Fudd Miserable Old Bar Steward

    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts..
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    5) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.




    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
    once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.




    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.



    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
    At age 35 success is . .. having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . having money.
    At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.



    Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

    Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
    BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.


    Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*


    Take the time to live!!!
    Life is too short. Dance naked.

    I DO. . . . .
     
  2. marinyork

    marinyork Resting in suspended Animation

    Location:
    Logopolis
    Where did number eight comes from, that's the only bit that makes no sense?
     
  3. TheDoctor

    TheDoctor Man-Machine Staff Member

    Location:
    Stevenage
    Something I learned when I was about 10 is that if you're made to 'Stay there until you've eaten all your liver', a dog is your friend. Or at least it very soon will be.
    Still don't like liver. Went rapidly off my mum too.
     
  4. Tetedelacourse

    Tetedelacourse New Member

    Location:
    Rosyth
    ha ha, good stuff Elmer.

    Marinyork - the same is true of brussels sprouts.
     
  5. Pete

    Pete Guest

    A few more 'oldies' from the same stable where I think that lot were reared. Enjoy!
     
  6. alecstilleyedye

    alecstilleyedye nothing in moderation Staff Member

    it's been done with custard.