the death of a young old friend

[yello]

I had an email this morning from a friend telling me of the death of a mutual friend. He was 42 and died of pancreatic cancer. It's getting on for 10 years since I've seen him, and I doubt I would have seen him again anyway, but it still came as a shock.

42 is no age and even though I know these things happen, it's more unsettling when it's closer to home. Reminds you of your own mortality perhaps?

He had a lad of 12 by his first wife. I never met his 2nd wife but I can't even begin to imagine how the 3 of them are feeling.

 

[phil_hg_uk]

A few weeks ago I heard that someone I knew very well over 20 years ago had died of cancer in march, she was only 41 so I know what you mean.

I hadnt seen her for years but we were close for a short time and would have probably been a whole lot closer but our lifes went off in different directions so it wasnt to be, and as she was only 4 years younger than me it makes you think.

 

[yello]

she was only 4 years younger than me it makes you think.

Yep, I think that's what I'm feeling too. There but for the grace of God kind of thing...

 

[Jane Smart]

Really sorry to hear about your losses. I too lost a friend to cancer, three years ago and I was heartbroken. She was also 42

 

[phil_hg_uk]

Yep, I think that's what I'm feeling too. There but for the grace of God kind of thing...

I guess you always figure you will bump into them again somewhere down the line..........

 

[yello]

Really sorry to hear about your losses.

Thank you for that but please don't be too sorrowful (not for me anyhow). In no way would I consider it a loss for me like it will be for many others that were much much closer to him. We had ceased to be close friends many years ago, for no other reason than that given by phil (above) - i.e. paths went different ways.

My point really is that we get these reminders, these shocks, that jault us. And it can be quite abstract, unreal almost. You don't have any real grief to deal with, just a curious feeling that you don't know quite know how to label or process.

 

[yello]

I guess you always figure you will bump into them again somewhere down the line..........

Yes, maybe that's it. The thought that they'll always be there somewhere; simply a matter of chance, or maybe even deliberately making the effort. That thought is suddenly gone.

 

[phil_hg_uk]

Is it me or does there seem to be a high number of people dying of cancer these days, or maybe its just my age I guess as you get into your 40's this happens more regularly.

 

[Jane Smart]

Thank you for that but please don't be too sorrowful (not for me anyhow). In no way would I consider it a loss for me like it will be for many others that were much much closer to him. We had ceased to be close friends many years ago, for no other reason than that given by phil (above) - i.e. paths went different ways.

My point really is that we get these reminders, these shocks, that jault us. And it can be quite abstract, unreal almost. You don't have any real grief to deal with, just a curious feeling that you don't know quite know how to label or process.

The friend that I lost three years ago, you know I had never met. We were both fans of Gilbert O'Sullivan and e mailed each other daily for years. I went to New York, ( where she lived ) just over three years ago and we arranged to meet. I went to her apartment and she was not there. I tried phoning and phoning I knew something was wrong. The friends I went with, said, look Jane, she has chickened out of meeting you, you only know her from the internet. Oh no, I knew Maraclair better than that she would NEVER have stood me up. I pushed a handwritten note under her door. On my return home there was an email from her, saying how sorry she was, she went to stay with her cousin and had forgotton our arrangements. Anyway, I never heard from her again after that. About two months later, I phoned the church she went to ( long story as to how I found out which church it was ) I asked if she was ok. There was this long pause and then they told me she had passed away with brain cancer ( just weeks after I should have met her )

Albeit we never me, I was inconsolable.

I still miss her to this day .. .. ..

 

[phil_hg_uk]

Wow jane that is terrible I have no idea what to say to that, so heres a virtual hug instead

 

[gbb]

Things like this can hit you just as hard as if you saw them yesterday..

Two school aquaintances in the 70s, both fit young lads...knew them until we were about 17, then i left the area.
I asked after one about 15 years later.....he'd died of cancer at 19, about 13 years ago at the time. As said previously, occasionally i'd think about him, wondering where he was...not knowing he's long gone.
If it wasnt bad enough learning about the first, i asked after the second. He's been killed in a car crash six months after the first died of cancer. We'd all lived in a small village...evidently, the whole village had been shocked to its foundations.

Re-visiting the resting place of old friends is'nt always a good idea either. My best friend at school, his 13 year old brother drowned in the Trent in the early 70s. We were only kids ourselves, i can remember the mothers screams when the police came to tell her. I visited the (same as above) village maybe 25 years later. I thought, i'll go see Chris's grave...i felt like shoot for the next week. It really got to me, even 25 years later.

Yello's right, there need'nt be any logic to it...it just shocks the system sometimes, usually when you least expect it.

 

[Crash]

Discovered my best man (23 years ago ) died a few months ago of cancer Life takes funny turns and we kinda drifted apart , but on hearing of his passing i was distraught for days

Took a funny option though, he lived on top of a long hill that is not on one of my regular routes , but decided that i would rather suffer that hill than be in his position and to this day when i am near, I have not missed that hill even though it takes me out of my way.

You wont forget the lost ones ever, but you can also celebrate their lives, does the hill hurt ? Hell yes, but there's always a smile at the top for a lost mate.

 

[Jane Smart]

Wow jane that is terrible I have no idea what to say to that, so heres a virtual hug instead

appreciated Phil thanks

 

[Blackandblue]

You wont forget the lost ones ever, but you can also celebrate their lives, does the hill hurt ? Hell yes, but there's always a smile at the top for a lost mate.

That sums it up quite nicely. At a certain age.... we will all experience death. And it will hit each of us in different ways. Without wanting to come across cold - it happens. Sometimes less pleasant than others. But it is the "circle of life". And far better to remember the good times.

 

[Cubist]

You wont forget the lost ones ever, but you can also celebrate their lives, does the hill hurt ? Hell yes, but there's always a smile at the top for a lost mate.

Crash, that's very touching, and one for me to remember for a certain place. Thank you.