The Pope


Legendary Member
After getting all of the Popes' luggage loaded into the limo, (and he
doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on
the kerb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at
the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to
work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the
wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope
keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls
over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches but the cop takes one
look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on
the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!!"


New Member
Bromley, Kent
:biggrin:thats the best Joke I've heard in a long time
xx(:biggrin::biggrin:Excellent, even my 19 yr old son laughed out loud when I read it out, and that's high praise:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:


Smutmaster General
Young woman goes to doctor, who gets stethoscope out and places it against her ribcage.
"Big breaths", says the doc.
"Yeth, and I'm only theventeen" xx(:biggrin:


New Member
The Pope is visiting a foreign country and drives through the streets in the Popemobile standing up and waving. The crowd are going mad and chanting something. The Pope asks the local cardinal, sitting in the rumble seat, what they're saying.

"They're chanting "Elvis! Elvis", Your Holiness."

"But I'm not Elvis - I'm the Pope!" shouts the Pope.

No use. Everywhere he goes, the crowds go mad, yelling "Elvis! Elvis!"

Finally, at the end of the day, he reaches his hotel. Forcing his way through the crowds, still screaming "Elvis! Elvis!", he is greeted by the maitre d'.

"May I say, how much I loved your early movies, Mr Presley?" says the maitre d'.

"I am not Elvis Presley!" yells the Pope."I am the spiritual leader of millions of Roman Catholics world wide. I am the Pope!!!"

"Oh," says the maitre d', opening the door to the suite. "Would you like a different room, then?"

The Pope sees the enormous water-bed, the stack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the two 16-year old girls, wearing white cotton panties and nothing else, and says:

"Ah, well-ah, bless-ah ma soul, Ah-what's-ah wrong with me?"
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