The return of the Nigerian scams

[Globalti]

Oh, haven't you heard? Poor Mrs Akinfenwe got run over by a bus on her way to Zenith Bank to transfer the funds. She desperately needs cash to cover the cost of treatment, which I will forward to her on your behalf. £10,000 (TEN thousand pounds sterling) ought to suffice. God will bless you.

 

[Dave7]

And as if by magic.. check THIS thread

ALERT TO ALL CCrs.......do not click on that link as its a scam

 

[Dave7]

That being said, I've just started seeing penis elargement emails for the first time in 10-15 years. Someone out the spamming world has worked out how to get around the anti-spam software I use (Spam assassin and Apple's built in Mail.app)

They do not work...........I have paid for 15 of them over the last few years and none of them have worked.

 

[Dan Morinary]

That being said, I've just started seeing penis elargement emails for the first time in 10-15 years.

If only there were penis reduction links, suppose I'll just have to soldier on

 

[Dave7]

If only there were penis reduction links, suppose I'll just have to soldier on

I knew a guy who was courting...............I asked him if they were still together. He said "she told me she would only marry me if I had a nine inch willy......I told her, I'm not cutting three inches off my willy for anyone"

 

[MrPie]

Visited Nigeria for work recently. Job jobbed and headed for home through Lagos airport. Passport control guy looking for a backhander says 'what do you have for me?'. Quickly thunked on my feet....'I have a very special gift for you Sir. I shall pray for you and your family. I shall pray for health and endless happiness'. Passport control guy was beaming with delight.....sucker

 

[classic33]

I feel sorry for you fools, I really do! Me, for instance, am even now awaiting more than £1.2 million to land in my account so you won't be laughing at me then, will you? All it cost me was £200 for the registration fee...and the slight delay in releasing the funds that I've just forwarded them £5,000 to trigger and then, THEN I'll be a millionaire! Obviously, if the £5,000 doesn't cover the unexpected request for 'supportive funds', I'll simply send them another £10,000 which will be a drop in the ocean compared to the £1.2 million I cannot afford to lose out on. All thanks to the great blessing of coming in to contact with Mrs. Blessed Akinfenwe. Does anyone want this sainted lady's details?

Swap you for those of the now deceased George Page.

 

[PaulB]

Swap you for those of the now deceased George Page.

DONE!

 

[PaulB]

That being said, I've just started seeing penis elargement emails for the first time in 10-15 years.

Well they work and I can testify to that! I sent only £150 to a Nigerian well-wisher and in return received a personally-signed photograph of the famous Countdown presenter Rachel O'Reilly from when she used to be a strippergram AND SHE'S WEARING NO CLOTHES!* That worked!

* Although looking at it again, the face doesn't quite match the body and she's wearing different make-up on her face to the make-up on her body but still, it works!

 

[Globalti]

Visited Nigeria for work recently. Job jobbed and headed for home through Lagos airport. Passport control guy looking for a backhander says 'what do you have for me?'. Quickly thunked on my feet....'I have a very special gift for you Sir. I shall pray for you and your family. I shall pray for health and endless happiness'. Passport control guy was beaming with delight.....sucker

I bet you hated it but found it fascinating at the same time? I've visited Nigeria around 85 times so I've spent almost two years of my life travelling around that Godforsaken country. Despite all the bad stuff I can't help admiring Nigerians for their tenacity and their incredible resourcefulness. If only British people were as hard working. The petty corruption thing isn't as bad as it used to be; I'm surprised the Immigration guy asked for money. The way to deal with that is as you did, offer blessings or make a joke or say: "Tomorrow, inshalla!"

 

[byegad]

I've told this before here but I think it's worth a repeat.

Chummy calls 'About your accident'.

(S)He tells me they can help. So I ask:-
'Which accident? The one where I rammed the stupid Police car off the road as he tried to stop me, or the one when I drove through the 5 people at the bus queue to avoid the Stinger that the Police deployed to stop me in the stolen car?

They always answer the same:-
'Yes!'

At which point my answer is unacceptable on a forum, but to paraphrase:-

'Do you think I'm rather* stupid? Now please go away and bother someone who is as rather stupid as you!

* Italics indicate censored text.

 

[MrPie]

I bet you hated it but found it fascinating at the same time? I've visited Nigeria around 85 times so I've spent almost two years of my life travelling around that Godforsaken country. Despite all the bad stuff I can't help admiring Nigerians for their tenacity and their incredible resourcefulness. If only British people were as hard working. The petty corruption thing isn't as bad as it used to be; I'm surprised the Immigration guy asked for money. The way to deal with that is as you did, offer blessings or make a joke or say: "Tomorrow, inshalla!"

Generally, I found the locals to be very emotional people. Very touchy feely and caring, which ordinarily came across as genuine, but I just couldn't let go of the feeling that they were trying to suck me into their back pocket for their ultimate benefit later. I've been around the block a couple of times and like to think I get the measure of people very quickly. But then gain, being a typical Myers Briggs red/green/yellow director-thinker, I can be a complete unfeeling nobber.