Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Kestevan]

To the new people who have just moved into the underdwelling beneath us......
You do realise that you dont actually own or have parking rights on the driveway don't you. We've never had a problem with people parking there for short periods when dropping stuff off etc, and as long as you pull up so we can get our car off the road it's been fine.

However this is the second weekend when you've parked a ruddy great skip in the drive without so much as a please, thank you or kiss my arse, and the fact that every single time I've tried to get my car out this week your bloody mother has been parked across the entrance is really beginning to get on my nerves. Now I know you've only just moved in... and I'm making allowances, but if this continues I'm chaining off the drive and you can go whistle.

 

[classic33]

What made you think that posting inappropiate pictures on what is esentially a forum open to everyone was a good thing to do? After all would you hand the same pictures round a pub, to people you don't even know.

Anonimity on the internet may mean that the real person may never have to worry about being found out, but think before you post such pictures next time!

 

[Arjimlad]

Our office address and postcode and the lovely clear map on the website all give a very good idea of where we are - on the main road next to a landmark pub. With large green signs on the building !

If you can't look at a map or look online before you get in the car it's a poor show really !

 

[hopless500]

Yes I said that I would look after your dogs for a weekend while you visit friends in York. A weekend is Saturday and Sunday. Today is Thursday and you are not back until the small hours of next flaming Wednesday. You are taking the pi$$!
Your frikkin dogs are here, they have bloody fleas and you haven't brushed the sodding things in a month. They are moulting EVERYWHERE and my flat looks like a bomb has hit it. Yes, I am a dog groomer. A very good dog groomer and I suppose I will have to give them a good brush out and use a furminator on them. To stop my flat looking like a grooming room requires a couple of hours of hard work on my part but I will just have to to that. Your text of 'any chance you can bath them for me?' is a bloody cheek. Yes I can. No I won't. You bought huskies, you look after them.

Hubster got your text saying that we could stay at yours and take ours too so our flat doesn't get fluffy. Cool idea! Yup, we've popped around looking for the dog food you neglected to drop off with them and I know that I have popped round and done a quick tidy for your weekend return in the past, and you have possibly come to expect that we will run a hoover around in your absence, but I don't have an industrial vacuum, I don't have a flame thrower, I am not even going in that kitchen as the mouldy plates might have legs by now and as for the overflowing bins Hubster looked in the bedroom (he still has a view to stay at yours to stop our flat looking like your flat) and backed out double quick, looking a bit pale. Neither of us dare look in the bathroom.

Your brother rang and said "I see you got lumbered with the dogs" Turned out that friend tried the 'weekend' thing on him a couple of months ago and was gone for 10 days. He also said "You know that he is expecting you to have a wee tidy up to make it nice for his homecoming again". I asked if he'd seen the flat and he said "why do you think that I turned the dogs away"

I am going for a little lay down now. Possibly a cry.

Oh, I am taking no responsibility if they batter the top gate down and escape again. No riding for me today as I can't get out of the front door without your bloody dogs battering the gate and rushing the front door. I've caught them once today. They can stay in until Hubster comes home from dialysis.

And breathe

*Reminder to self* Stop being nice and start telling people to poke off when they ask 'favours'

Print the above out and hand it to them when they get back. And then tell them where they can shove it once they've read it.

 

[Markymark]

Print the above out and hand it to them when they get back. And then tell them where they can shove it once they've read it.

Yes I said that I would look after your dogs for a weekend while you visit friends in York. A weekend is Saturday and Sunday. Today is Thursday and you are not back until the small hours of next flaming Wednesday. You are taking the pi$$!
Your frikkin dogs are here, they have bloody fleas and you haven't brushed the sodding things in a month. They are moulting EVERYWHERE and my flat looks like a bomb has hit it. Yes, I am a dog groomer. A very good dog groomer and I suppose I will have to give them a good brush out and use a furminator on them. To stop my flat looking like a grooming room requires a couple of hours of hard work on my part but I will just have to to that. Your text of 'any chance you can bath them for me?' is a bloody cheek. Yes I can. No I won't. You bought huskies, you look after them.

Hubster got your text saying that we could stay at yours and take ours too so our flat doesn't get fluffy. Cool idea! Yup, we've popped around looking for the dog food you neglected to drop off with them and I know that I have popped round and done a quick tidy for your weekend return in the past, and you have possibly come to expect that we will run a hoover around in your absence, but I don't have an industrial vacuum, I don't have a flame thrower, I am not even going in that kitchen as the mouldy plates might have legs by now and as for the overflowing bins Hubster looked in the bedroom (he still has a view to stay at yours to stop our flat looking like your flat) and backed out double quick, looking a bit pale. Neither of us dare look in the bathroom.

Your brother rang and said "I see you got lumbered with the dogs" Turned out that friend tried the 'weekend' thing on him a couple of months ago and was gone for 10 days. He also said "You know that he is expecting you to have a wee tidy up to make it nice for his homecoming again". I asked if he'd seen the flat and he said "why do you think that I turned the dogs away"

I am going for a little lay down now. Possibly a cry.

Oh, I am taking no responsibility if they batter the top gate down and escape again. No riding for me today as I can't get out of the front door without your bloody dogs battering the gate and rushing the front door. I've caught them once today. They can stay in until Hubster comes home from dialysis.

And breathe

*Reminder to self* Stop being nice and start telling people to poke off when they ask 'favours'

I'd stick them in a kennal and tell them the ownsers will be paying on collection.

 

[Ganymede]

I'd stick them in a kennal and tell them the ownsers will be paying on collection.

TMN old chap x

 

[Markymark]

TMN old chap x

 

[Ganymede]

But obviously you are right, because you agree with me!

 

[marknotgeorge]

Let me present you with a (sort of) analogy. Last year, after much to-ing and fro-ing, we have a set of accounts (a legal document, remember) that states the client was in Burton at the end of the year

This year, the client insists he's in Derby. That's fine, but the Sage backup says he was in Buxton last year, and Liverpool this year! And both you and he think its okay because Derby and Liverpool both have an E and an R!

 

[Moon bunny]

Boring!!!!
(For the avoidance of doubt this is what I thought of saying in a bright cheerful voice after one of our PTSD walking group insisted on telling us all at great length and in fine detail about his failed suicide attempt, despite being told right at the start that this was not the purpose of the group and that we all had stories to tell but this was not the place and that it could have a negative effect on others' recovery. It was a good job there were dragonflies to watch while he blah-blahed away.)
(

 

[matth411]

One of four of us has been caught sleeping. You sleep every night, I don't and I know the other two don't. Face it, you are the f**k up of the night shift. Don't try and shift blame to somebody else because you do not like him. Nobody likes you because you are a f**k up that just bulls**ts everybody about what you have done. You lazy, fat piece of sh*t. Just quit already!

 

[TheDoctor]

You're in a crowded doctors waiting room. Why on earth did you bring a ruddy cheeseburger with you?

 

[Brandane]

Downstairs neighbour:- your whirley-gig washing line broke and I said you could use my washing line to hang up your clothes.
I really expected you to get your whirley thing fixed, but 4 years later you still use MY garden and washing line! You may have noticed that I park my motorbike in my garden, so when I return home on it I now have to ride through a curtain of your washing.
GET YERSELF A NEW FECKIN WHIRLY THING, HOW HARD CAN IT BE!!

 

[Spinney]

Downstairs neighbour:- your whirley-gig washing line broke and I said you could use my washing line to hang up your clothes.
I really expected you to get your whirley thing fixed, but 4 years later you still use MY garden and washing line! You may have noticed that I park my motorbike in my garden, so when I return home on it I now have to ride through a curtain of your washing.
GET YERSELF A NEW FECKIN WHIRLY THING, HOW HARD CAN IT BE!!

Just get oil on their washing a few times...shouldn't be difficult.

 

[pplpilot]

Oi !! Just because its a cigarette stub does not mean it isn't litter! now I have to sit here at the lights whilst my air con sucks in your stench from a burning fag end that you selfishly threw out of your car window.