Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Speicher]

I know I shouldn't but I have just seen a job advertisement. I am sure you would like that job, but they want someone with a Library Qualification. What a shame you and your big head has not got the right qualifications.

Keep looking I am sure that a job will come up that you would like, and that fits with your qualifications. Just a shame that during an interview you will show yourself to be the dogmatic, highly opinionated, arrogant little twerp that you really are. It saves me telling anyone, you demonstrate it most admirably all by yourself.

Oh yes, there is a thread on a forum that I belong to, that is excellent. I can write on there, what I would really like to say to your face. That's a good thing though, as you are so boring, I cannot really be bothered to talk to you.

So you do not see why I find that so amusing. Ok then, ring the Archive department of the organisation and tell them that you are so generous with your undoubted skills, that you will give them your advice. Yes, go ahead, tell them that they need someone with a qualification in History, rather than someone who is a qualified librarian. Explain how you have spent ten of the last fourteen years, since you left school, in further or higher education.

Of course they will be impressed with your people skills, your diplomacy and your confidence.

 

[redjedi]

It's very brave of you to come into the office while your obviously still very ill but I wished you'd have stayed at home (where you can still do work if you wish) and not sat coughing and spluttering next to me.

I better not get ill !!!

 

[ColinJ]

It's very brave of you to come into the office while your obviously still very ill but I wished you'd have stayed at home (where you can still do work if you wish) and not sat coughing and spluttering next to me.

I better not get ill !!!

(Picking up on that one, and remembering a similar situation ...)

'A' had been ill for several days but he'd still come in to work. He had a hacking cough, his nose was running, he alternated between bouts of sweating, and violent shivering. Eventually, he lost his voice. He didn't come in the next day.

'B' and 'C' sat either side of 'A''s desk in an open plan office and were wondering where he was. I popped my head over the partition and told 'B' and 'C' that he'd finally had to call in sick, but he should really have been off work all week. He'd probably infected half the office by then.

'D' suddenly popped his head over another partition. He declared that this thing about germs was a load of old b*ll*cks, people had a duty to work, why should the company pay them for lazing about at home, he would come in unless he was physically incapable of getting to his car etc. etc.

Over the next couple of days, 'B' and 'C' came down with 'A's bug, then 'E' and 'F'.

So what I would like to have said to 'D' was this "Workers struggled for centuries to win the right to take time off work when they are ill. They don't work effectively when they are sick, and they only spread their nasty bugs to everybody else. You are an idiot! If you are ill - stay at home until you are well again!"

 

[carolonabike]

To my work colleague sitting next to me

"You are a nice lady and we get on well, but stop banging on about diets. I understand it makes you feel bad because I exercise and eat properly and therefore do not have a weight problem whereas you are at least 5 stone overweight. You are an intelligent woman and know what to do. 'Doing' Atkins for two days then having a few days off is just not going to work. Especially when you have pancakes for breakfast then go out to lunch and have lasagne .

Also, please stop saying "I done" and "we was". It makes me want to smack your head off the wall. "

I feel better now

 

[threebikesmcginty]

Also, please stop saying "I done" and "we was". It makes me want to smack your head off the wall. "

The Commercial Director (Ha..hahahaha!) at the company I work for attend always says "them' instead of "those", makes him sound as thick as he is.

 

[carolonabike]

Yup, she does that too. In fact, come to think of it I'm sure I've heard her say "them was" Aarrgggh!

 

[Becs]

Dear girlfriend of my brother, please stop filling his head with bullshit and emotional blackmail and causing a rift in the family when we all need to stick together.

P.s. Spiritual healing, homeopathy, crystals and religion are utter bollocks and will not help our dying mother so shut the **** up until you have something rational to offer!

And breathe

 

[Cubist]

You have rung me to tell me something that I told you about.... go and check the emails. What's more, the reason I told you about it was because it is your job to sort it out. I know it's my job to implement the pilot, and I will do so no matter how tedious the whole thing is. My staff have identified glitches, and I've passed them onto you. I do not want to spend half an hour listening to what you've done about it, I want to nip out and have a walk to get some fresh air. What's more I particularly don't want to know how your daughter is getting on at Guides. I only feigned interest last week whilst dropping hints to you to f*ck off 'cos it was getting on for finishing time.

 

[TVC]

It's not all about you, we're not all against you, in fact we're all too busy getting on with our lives to waste our energy even noticing you.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

It's not all about you, we're not all against you, in fact we're all too busy getting on with our lives to waste our energy even noticing you.

Who?

 

[TVC]

Who?

A woman at work who thinks that the world revolves around her, she must be the centre of attention, and when you don't hang on her every word then you must hate her.


* Actually I should imagine there is one of those in most companies.

 

[chillyuk]

Moany old gits.

 

[TheDoctor]

I'd have more respect for your ability had I seen any sign whatsoever that you possessed any.

 

[XmisterIS]

I have asked you repeatedly to give me your material the presentation in good time so that I don't have to rush in a blind, mad panic to incorporate it in time for the presentation. And yet here we are, on Friday and you still haven't done it!

Well, matey, I have news for you! If you do not get it to me by 5pm today, you can explain on the day to everyone why the presentation is incomplete. I will insert one, single slide with your name on it, and you can do the talking. I am not working on the weekend because of your incompetence. And if you try to blame me, I will decapitate you in public.

 

[porteous]

You're fat because you eat to much and move too little.