Traumatic time witnessing traumatic lives

[User]

 

[Monsieur]

Difficult situation and I'm not sure I would have done any more than you did.
Taking the car number down would have been a good idea as you did witness the assault - but hindsight is always good isn't it!

Domestic issues are a minefield - who knows what he would have done to her later in the day if you had taken more direct action?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

That kind of 'domestic violence' isn't usually a one-off - he'll have been behaving like that for quite a while.

Yep. If the lady has any gumption she'll leave.

 

[ComedyPilot]

Well done for at least having a go Mr P. Shame on the others for not giving you help.

Was there any CCTV in the area? Report it to the police anyway, and if they find the woman they can do a welfare check.

 

[Sara_H]

@User, It's really difficult to witness situations where there's very little you can do, do the best you can to put it behind you.

As comedy pilot said, it may be worth reporting it to police as there may be cctv in the area. At least you can assure yourself that you've done everything you can.

 

[DiddlyDodds]

We had a friend who was always getting a slap off the boyfriend , she would leave him , we would put her up and make sure she was ok, and every time she would go back after a Cpl of days because "she loved him", in the end we said no and not to come round ours anymore, as it upset the wife and daughter when she would go back as they knew what was going to happen again, we would then hear she was bad mouthing us because we were telling her to leave him, and so we ended up the bad ones in their eyes.

 

[Sara_H]

We had a friend who was always getting a slap off the boyfriend , she would leave him , we would put her up and make sure she was ok, and every time she would go back after a Cpl of days because "she loved him", in the end we said no and not to come round ours anymore, as it upset the wife and daughter when she would go back as they knew what was going to happen again, we would then hear she was bad mouthing us because we were telling her to leave him, and so we ended up the bad ones in their eyes.

I've two close friends who are victims of domestic abuse. Most of the time they pretend everythings ok, one friend in particular is always telling me how fab her husband is. For my part I just take it as it comes and give my opinion/support when it's asked for, keep quiet when its not. Makes me incredibly sad though to think that my friends live such sad lives.

 

[Tim Hall]

Yep. If the lady has any gumption she'll leave.

In my experience, it's just not that simple.

 

[Saluki]

I too had a friend who was a victim of domestic violence. She moved in with me for a short while before finding a safer flat of her own. Her ex came rampaging round my house and tried to pick a fight. Interestingly he wasn't very happy when he lashed out at me and I blocked in and then sat him on his ar$e. He ran away. Literally ran and I chased him half way down the street. Poor chappy was terrified. I don't think that he had ever had anyone stand up to him before, let alone go on the offensive.
I am a scaly brat and learned to fight dirty before I could walk. One BF tried to hit me once. I never saw him again, although I believe my Dad may have had a word with him.

Leaving is very difficult for people, especially when their child is involved. Personally I would have thought that it would be a no brainer to get the heck out to protect your child but it seems not.

Well done for asking if the lassie was OK. I think that her slamming the door and driving off is a fairly usual thing for people to do. They want the help of others but just cannot bring themselves to seek the help of others, even when they are yelling 'help' at the top of their voice. She will probably leave eventually, lets just hope that it happens before the child is too scarred.

 

[Silver Fox]

Your intervention is commendable Paul but the inaction of others doesn't come as a surprise especially when good samaritans have been attacked themselves in the past.

 

[Milzy]

Yep. If the lady has any gumption she'll leave.

It doesn't work like that though I've seen it with her indoors's sister. very intelligent women who is controlled by a complete scum bag with a hold over her. They always go back for more punishment as they have been mentally broken down by the chav women beating oxygen theif.

 

[ComedyPilot]

We had a friend who was always getting a slap off the boyfriend , she would leave him , we would put her up and make sure she was ok, and every time she would go back after a Cpl of days because "she loved him", in the end we said no and not to come round ours anymore, as it upset the wife and daughter when she would go back as they knew what was going to happen again, we would then hear she was bad mouthing us because we were telling her to leave him, and so we ended up the bad ones in their eyes.

Never has this 'smiley' been more appropriate

 

[ThinAir]

DV is one of the biggest blights on society. End of. It disgusts me in every manifestation.

First of all, well done. I know you say you feel traumatised by this, and it sounds like you should probably quite rightly feel this way given what you have seen. But, I would take it from it the fact that even though what you have seen is harrowing and shouldn't have happened, you may have well prevented something far more serious from happening.

It's a pretty brave thing to wade into the middle of a domestic. Especially one which sounds as heated as this one sounds.

Someone has mentioned on here that the situations can be volatile. Someone else has mentioned that they can be a minefield. They can be the former, and are almost always the latter.

Someone has said that the person who is the victim has no gumption. This is something I must contest. I deal with countless situations akin to the one describe each and every week, and it really just isn't that simple. I think your post wasn't perhaps as well thought out as some of your others have been?

This sums up why pretty succinctly, and it's a great post.

Unfortunately that sounds a bit as though staying with an abusive partner is a kind of weakness. It's very difficult for anyone who has never been in that kind of situation to appreciate just how subtly an abuser can exert powerful control, psychological as well as physical, over an otherwise normal, sane and balanced partner.

I'm 6ft1 and built like a wall, and make no bones about telling people how I was in a psychologically abusive and controlling relationship for almost 4years, before I had the knowledge, the awareness and the realisation that I needed out. It's not easy to break the cycle and to finally remove yourself from the situation.

Once again. OP. Well done. You out yourself into a situation which could've been a volatile, dangerous, minefield at great personal risk to yourself, and have probably stopped someone from coming to serious harm. Well done.

 

[Milzy]

DV is one of the biggest blights on society. End of. It disgusts me in every manifestation.

First of all, well done. I know you say you feel traumatised by this, and it sounds like you should probably quite rightly feel this way given what you have seen. But, I would take it from it the fact that even though what you have seen is harrowing and shouldn't have happened, you may have well prevented something far more serious from happening.

It's a pretty brave thing to wade into the middle of a domestic. Especially one which sounds as heated as this one sounds.

Someone has mentioned on here that the situations can be volatile. Someone else has mentioned that they can be a minefield. They can be the former, and are almost always the latter.

Someone has said that the person who is the victim has no gumption. This is something I must contest. I deal with countless situations akin to the one describe each and every week, and it really just isn't that simple. I think your post wasn't perhaps as well thought out as some of your others have been?

This sums up why pretty succinctly, and it's a great post.


I'm 6ft1 and built like a wall, and make no bones about telling people how I was in a psychologically abusive and controlling relationship for almost 4years, before I had the knowledge, the awareness and the realisation that I needed out. It's not easy to break the cycle and to finally remove yourself from the situation.

Once again. OP. Well done. You out yourself into a situation which could've been a volatile, dangerous, minefield at great personal risk to yourself, and have probably stopped someone from coming to serious harm. Well done.

What did he used to do to you?

 

[stephec]

I thought this was about watching Jeremy Kyle when I saw the title!

I remember seeing a bloke knocking his girl about one Saturday night in the late eighties, a few of us went over and intervened until it ended up with the Police turning up.

After they had a word with the couple for about five minutes it ended up with them walking off together all lovey dovey.