Unemployment's rising

[PaulB]

in the Chigley end of town,
And it's speading like pneumonia, doesn't look like going down.
There's trouble at the fire station someone's had the sack,
And the lads are going to launch a scheme to get rid of Captain Flak.

Tell PC McGarry to get himself a mate,
And arm themselves with CS gas - they're going to be out late.
We've had cant conformism since 1966,
And now subversion's in the air in the shape of flying bricks.

Someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they better start assembling the boys from the fort.
And keep Mrs. Honeyman right out of sight,
'Cos there's gonna be riot down in Trumpton Tonight.

All this aristocracy has really got to stop'
We could overthrow the surgeryand kidnap Dr Mopp.
The Chippy Minton Socialists could storm the market square,
And make plans to assasinate our aristocratic mayor!

Windy Millitant leads his Basque-like corngrinders to war,
With windmill sails and bombs with nails they smash the town hall door.
But Snorty and the boys arrive with one big erstwhile crew,
Whereupon they bring about a military coup.




Someone get a message through to Captain Snort
That they better start assembling the boys from the fort.
And keep Mrs. Honeyman right out of sight,
'Cos there's gonna be riot down in Trumpton Tonight.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Most excellent... Your own work or stolen with pride?

 

[PaulB]

Most excellent... Your own work or stolen with pride?

I wish! Stolen from the most excetastic Half Man Half Biscuit.

 

[Fab Foodie]

I wish! Stolen from the most excetastic Half Man Half Biscuit.

Aahhhh, Im not familiar with the canon of work of the Half Man Half Biscuit!

I'll raise you some Tom Robinson...

All you kids that just sit and whine
You should have been there back in '79
You say we're giving you a real hard time
You boys are really breaking my heart
Spurs beat Arsenal, what a game
The blood was running in the drains
Intercity took the trains
And really took the place apart
That was the year Nan Harris died
And Charlie Jones committed suicide
The world we knew busted open wide
In the winter of '79

I'd been working on and off
A pint of beer was still ten bob
My brand new Bonneville got ripped off
I more or less give up trying
They stopped the Social in the spring
And quite a few communists got run in
And National Service come back in
In the winter of '79
When Marco's caff went up in flames
The Vambo boys took the blame
The SAS come and took our names
In the winter of '79

It was us poor bastards took the chop
When the tubes gone up and the buses stopped
The top people still come out on top
The government never resigned
The Carib Club got petrol bombed
The National Front was getting awful strong
They done in Dave and Dagenham Ron
In the winter of '79
When all the gay geezers got put inside
And coloured kids was getting crucified
A few fought back and a few folks died
In the winter of '79

Yes a few of us fought
And a few of us died
In the winter of '79

 

[Mr Pig]

My favorite is Dickie Davis eyes.

 

[Fab Foodie]

My favorite is Dickie Davis eyes.

Please share!

 

[PaulB]

My favorite is Dickie Davis eyes.

Joy Division Oven Gloves, surely?

 

[Fab Foodie]

I've a feeling I've gone-off on the wrong tack...
I was thinking of songs of riot and uprising!

 

[Mr Pig]

Please share!

Mention the Lord of the Rings one more time
And I'll more than likely kill you.
"More cock, more cock, Michael, more cock" you fervently moan.
Is this a {? wot ? that you sholve down my throat,
Or are you just pleased to see me?
Brian Moore's head looks uncannily like London Planetarium.

Chorus:
And all those people
Who you, romantically,
Like to still believe are alive,
Are dead!
So I'll wipe my snots
On the arm of your chair
As you put another Roger Dean poster
On the wall.

God, I could murder a {? Cadbury's Flake ?!
Then I guess you wouldn't let me into heaven.
Or maybe you would because they're like' there to promote oral sex!
A Romani beams in a field with her paints,
Suggesting we faint at her beauty,
But she's got "Dickie Davis Eyes!"

Except I think it's: "A Romani bint in a feild with her paints".

 

[alecstilleyedye]

Oh I was walking round my local store
I was searching for the ten pence off Lenor
When suddenly I bumped into this guy
On seeing who it was I gave a cry
“****in’ ‘Ell, It’s Fred Titmus”

Oh Jane was pushing baby round the park
When all at once she saw her husband Mark
Well he was with a man down by the stream
So Jane and baby both began to scream
“****in’ ‘Ell, It’s Fred Titmus”

Oh as the train pulled into platform three
I looked around for my best girl to see
As she disembarked I didn’t seem to care
Cos someone passed who made me stop and stare

Oh Dracula comes from Transylvania
Stevie nicks books about kleptomania
Johnny looks out of his bedroom window and
Shouted to his mum “Fred Titmus”

 

[PaulB]

Oh the singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see the Pope...

 

[Aperitif]

I've a feeling I've gone-off on the wrong tack...
I was thinking of songs of riot and uprising!

Or other...what's the harm?


I saw a newspaper picture from the political campaign
A woman was kissing a child, who was obviously in pain
She spills with compassion, as that young child's
face in her hands she grips
Can you imagine all that greed and avarice
coming down on that child's lips

Well I hope I don't die too soon
I pray the Lord my soul to save
Oh I'll be a good boy, I'm trying so hard to behave
Because there's one thing I know, I'd like to live
long enough to savour
That's when they finally put you in the ground
I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down

When England was the whore of the world
Margaret was her madam
And the future looked as bright and as clear as
the black tarmacadam
Well I hope that she sleeps well at night, isn't
haunted by every tiny detail
'Cos when she held that lovely face in her hands
all she thought of was betrayal

And now the cynical ones say that it all ends the same in the long run
Try telling that to the desperate father who just squeezed the life from his
only son
And how it's only voices in your head and dreams you never dreamt
Try telling him the subtle difference between justice and contempt
Try telling me she isn't angry with this pitiful discontent
When they flaunt it in your face as you line up for punishment
And then expect you to say "Thank you" straighten up, look proud and pleased
Because you've only got the symptoms, you haven't got the whole disease
Just like a schoolboy, whose head's like a tin-can
filled up with dreams then poured down the drain
Try telling that to the boys on both sides, being blown to bits or beaten and
maimed
Who takes all the glory and none of the shame

Well I hope you live long now, I pray the Lord your soul to keep
I think I'll be going before we fold our arms and start to weep
I never thought for a moment that human life could be so cheap
'Cos when they finally put you in the ground
They'll stand there laughing and tramp the dirt down