Video of my speech, first run through

[gb155]

Ok , I know I need to learn it better, get rid of the gum, speed up a little at points and add some emotion

But

What do you guys think ?

I can't embed as I'm on my mobile

Could a mod help please

Part 1

http://www.youtube.c...be_gdata_player

[media]
]View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr5E3uFCzDI&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/media]

 

[gb155]

Part 2

http://www.youtube.c...be_gdata_player

[media]
]View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWxZAydswMI&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/media]


Thanks all

 

[Angelfishsolo]

I actually like the rawness of it. A well polished speech can sound like an evangelist repeating the same sermon time after time. The rawness glves it humanity, humility and passion.

BTW I am truly amazed by your story. I thought my 6 stone weight gain after my thyroid gland packed up was the end of the world.

I wish you the very best on the day.

 

[gb155]

I actually like the rawness of it. A well polished speech can sound like an evangelist repeating the same sermon time after time. The rawness glves it humanity, humility and passion.

BTW I am truly amazed by your story. I thought my 6 stone weight gain after my thyroid gland packed up was the end of the world.

I wish you the very best on the day.

Thanks dude

 

[david1701]

2 things,

1 - take the pink princess poster it will earn you support

2- you sound good and have a good voice so should do v well (my friend has a nasal voice which ruins any kind of public speaking for him, I sound like a tosser so am out also)

3- good luck you'll do great

 

[gb155]

2 things,

1 - take the pink princess poster it will earn you support

2- you sound good and have a good voice so should do v well (my friend has a nasal voice which ruins any kind of public speaking for him, I sound like a tosser so am out also)

3- good luck you'll do great

LOL

AS for the rest, Thanks

 

[wobbler]

First, I'm envious of anyone with the cojones to put themselves in a You Tube video, or, to stand in front of an audience to make a speech.

At 3.09 ish, When you say. "You are not a quitter, you don't know what quit means". I am thinking your audience probably does know how to quit. Perhaps you could say something like. "I've made it this far, I'm not going to quit now".

At 4.58, the part when you say. "I don't know what happened". Well, you do know. Your mental strength and determination gave you the extra energy you needed to make the break for the finish. Tell the audience they can do it too.

I'm looking at this as a quite negative and often unmotivated person, because I am.

It's a good speech. Relax, you will be fine.

ATVB

Rich

Oi! I've just seen the part about you were wobbly, wobbly is good there is nowt wrong with being a wobbler.

 

[gb155]

First, I'm envious of anyone with the cojones to put themselves in a You Tube video, or, to stand in front of an audience to make a speech.

At 3.09 ish, When you say. "You are not a quitter, you don't know what quit means". I am thinking your audience probably does know how to quit. Perhaps you could say something like. "I've made it this far, I'm not going to quit now".

At 4.58, the part when you say. "I don't know what happened". Well, you do know. Your mental strength and determination gave you the extra energy you needed to make the break for the finish. Tell the audience they can do it too.

I'm looking at this as a quite negative and often unmotivated person, because I am.

It's a good speech. Relax, you will be fine.

ATVB

Rich

Oi! I've just seen the part about you were wobbly, wobbly is good there is nowt wrong with being a wobbler.

LOL, My attempt at injecting humour and a way of settling my nerves down and connecting with the audience

Some good points you have made tho, thanks

 

[Telemark]

I haven't looked at the videos yet, but quikcly read the text version earlier ...

Gaz, you have amazing will power & drive, most other people would have needed a lot more help to get as far as you have got, and many would still have given up, despite a lot of help. If you could bottle it and sell it, you'd make a fortune

You have a very inspiring story! One of the tricky things is to convince others (mere mortals, who are less self-motivated ) that they can do it, too ... so if you can add a bit on how you had a little set-back somewhere, and picked it up again, that would give it an extra something (apologies if you've already done that and I missed it).

Oh, and can you take your cardboard alter ego along? The two of you would make quite an entrance

T

 

[gb155]

Welllllll, I did it

I have a video, its a little quiet, I REALLY wish I had learnt the script now BUT I did it

Video is uploading now ! I give myself about 85% as a score, there were some bits I missed, but overall Im pleased as punch and I really wanna get out there and do it again

NOW !

 

[accountantpete]

That sounds great Gaz - not "too polished" increases the genuine feel to the speech IMHO.

Well done!

 

[Adasta]

Hi Gaz,

Well done on agreeing to give a talk. It's a hard thing to do and many other people wouldn't have the guts to do it.
Here's my advice:

01:00 - Within the first minute you use the construction "for I..." twice. This sentence construction is quite archaic and sounds very lofty now; it's only really found in older literary texts. I think it works well the first time ("for I have walked in your shoes") because it prefaces your story, and its profundity, quite nicely. I think I would drop it the second time though and just say "I was" in order to engage with the audience. This is the point where you begin to "tell the tale".

01:40 - Your spoken style becomes much better at this point. I was a bit concerned at the start that you were telling the story a bit like a reporter may do on a piece to camera for the local news. At 01:40, however, I really begin to get a feel/understanding of what it was like for you. It just seems more natural after this point.

The rest of the speech is good and I agree with all the other points that have already been made!

Good luck! Remember to speak loudly and slowly. That'll see you through.

 

[Adasta]

Wow. Too slow!

 

[fossyant]

Have you done the speech today then ?

You've got a natural voice for speaking !

 

[Telemark]

I just watched the videos ... and agree with all who mentioned the good speaking voice.
I also liked that it wasn't too polished, that you looked at your notes and thought about what you were saying, rather than just reeling it off like you'd done it 100 times before. It made it seem to come from the heart, and probably makes you more approachable and human for your audience.


T