Vigorous farts ...

[XmisterIS]

Right now, I am producing loud, vigorous and pungently full-bodied farts at a rate of one every ten minutes or so.

This is because earlier I ate a large bowl of home-made mixed-bean stew with plenty of garlic. Both of these ingredients make me fart like the Devil himself.

What food gives you the ability to fill an entire aircraft hanger with the kind of noxious emissions that could kill a shire-horse at a hundred paces?

 

[Ergle]

Ladies - an embarrassing by product of digestion

Men - a lifelong source of amusement and male bonding

 

[iLB]

the morning after a night on the lager usually results in some god-awful emissions...

 

[Baggy]

Water and air are bad enough, but one memorable Xmas I ate a sprout-based bubble and squeak followed by Christmas pudding with apricots.

It was enough to make the wallpaper peel

 

[Plax]

Mr Plax farted one night. It woke me up it was that loud. After the initial what the hell was that we laughed hysterically about it. Hope the neighbours didn't hear us!

 

[Alan Frame]

Many years ago before we were married, Mrs AF and I went away on a short camping trip and spent the first night in a field next door to a pub.
Several pints and a good meal later and back in the tent I was unable to hold onto the most incredible long-lasting and sonorous trump I have ever proudly produced.
Mrs AF clutched me in fear and whispered " Did you hear that horse in the next field !?"

To this day she does not know it was me.

 

[slowmotion]

Not being a regular sufferer of flatus, I did surprise myself in Corsica twenty years ago. We spent the last evening at a seafood restaurant on the harbour-front in Bonifacio. Big, big mistake, as I quickly found out in the night before departure. If you too were on the coach to the airport, or spent two hours waiting for the delayed flight, I can only offer my humblest apologies. Quite spectacularly appalling.

So sorry for sharing...

 

[BigonaBianchi]

To this day she does not know it was me.

bet the horse did though

 

[Hover Fly]

It doesn't matter what you eat or drink, you'll never beat the smells old ladies release in the Post Office as they queue for their pensions. I'm sure they cook them all week and only release them on the one day they stand up and walk anywhere.

 

[Bay Runner]

Ladies - an embarrassing by product of digestion

Men - a lifelong source of amusement and male bonding

Soooo true

Dropping a hum dinger at the Bar on a busy night down Wind Street is a sure way to clear some space to get served

It's a good job they are invisible, can you imagen what it would be like if they were accompanied by a green gas cloud hanging around.

Why is it they always seem to smell worse when you let one rip in the shower ?

 

[Fnaar]

Pretty much any food but dried fruit especially. Bit of a pity, cos I love it, and refuse to let my stomach rule

 

[snapper_37]

Anything really..... IBS does that to you

Shouldn't eat spicy foods but I can't say no to a good curry. Also hearty stews/casseroles/stir fry/roast dinners. If I manage to keep the food in for more than an hour after eating, the next day, I suffer and anyone else within a 10 ft radius.

 

[Happiness Stan]

Does anyone get those farts that 'stick' to you and follow you around the house?

I try to be considerate and fart in the bathroom but then the bugger follows me into the livingroom where the missus gives me hell.

 

[661-Pete]

Beans do not necessarily mean automatic flatulence. The trick with dried beans is to soak them for a very long time (12 hours at least), then throw away the soaking water, rinse well, and boil in fresh water. Seems to work for some people. But not everyone, I suppose....

I now wonder - did Pythagoras, famously, forbid his students to eat beans, because he got p***ed off with his discourses on mathematics being constantly interrupted by farts? .... I have this image of one of his lessons going like this: the square on the hy*pprrrrrppppppffffppp*otenuse...

 

[Globalti]

Baked beans are the worst and are getting worse as I age - apparently the body becomes less able to cope with the carbohydrate as we age. Other carbs like SIS drink have a similar effect.

However at least mine are loud and not too malodourous - Mrs RR specialises in SBDs (Silent But Deadly) which are awful - on Monday morning she woke me up twice with a couple of real chokers. Must have been the cauliflower cheese I made for Sunday dinner.