Wednesday humour.

[Aperitif]

Gordon Brown called Alastair Darling into his office one day and said,
'Alastair , I have a great idea!? We are going to go all out to win back Middle England '. 'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said Darling.

'Well' said Brown 'we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats,
some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, Oh and a Labrador .
Then we'll really look the part.. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other and we'll show we really enjoy the countryside.
'Right PM' said Darling.
So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off. Eventually they arrived in a quiet little village and found a lovely country pub and, with the dog, went in and up to the bar.

'Good evening Landlord, two pints of your best ale, from the wood
please' said Brown.
'Good evening, Prime Minister' said the landlord, 'two pints of best it
is, coming up'

Brown & Darling stood leaning on the bar contemplating new taxes,
nodding now and again to those who came in for a drink, whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet.
Suddenly the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled
old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted
its tail with his crook, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and
walked back to the other bar.

A few moments later, in came a wizened farmer who followed the same
procedure, to the bewilderment of Brown and Darling. People of all ages
and gender followed suit over the next hour. Eventually, unable to
stand it any longer, Darling called the landlord over. 'Tell me' said
Darling, 'Why did all those people come in and look under the dog's
tail like that??? Is it an old country custom?

'Good Lord no,' said the landlord. 'It's just
that someone has told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with
two ar$eholes'

 

[beanzontoast]

Tee-hee!

 

[Panter]

Superb

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Now that made me laugh

 

[andylaw79]

That's just brightened up a crappy start to the day.

 

[Cubist]

Mandelson, Brown and Darling slip out to the local for a pint or two. Darling and Mandy go to the gents, and when they come out they see Gordon being beaten up by three chavs.

"I think we should go and help" says Darling

"No" says Mandy, " I think three's enough"

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Mandelson, Brown and Darling slip out to the local for a pint or two. Darling and Mandy go to the gents, and when they come out they see Gordon being beaten up by three chavs.

"I think we should go and help" says Darling

"No" says Mandy, " I think three's enough"

Very good.

 

[Gasman]

John the humble Crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love.

For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to John in tears.

We can't see each other any more ..." she sobbed.

"Why ?" gasped John.

"Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab; a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class of
crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

John was shattered, and scuttled sideways into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.

That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the doors burst open, and John the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King
Lobster rose from his throne.

Slowly, painstakingly, John the crab made his way across the floor... and all could see that he was walking, not sideways .... but
FORWARDS...

Yes FORWARDS ! One claw after another !!!

Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he looked the King lobster in the eye.



There was a deadly hush ..........





Finally, John spoke ..........








"F*#k, I'm pissed."

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]