i wasn't entirely joking either !
No - I didn't think you were.
Well, on the 'best cheese to accompany French onion soup that isn't gruyere because I can't be bothered to go out of my way to go to a supermarket front' I have tried cheap cheddar from the corner shop. It was perfectly acceptable. Next up is Babybel. I shunned Edam and Leerdammer because they were dearer, although I suspect they are closer to gruyere. The search continues.